Notes_Norton Posted January 7, 2023 Author Share Posted January 7, 2023 A wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 10, 2023 Author Share Posted January 10, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 It's Monday Punday! 🙂 (No, I didn't weed out the repeats!) How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music? The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.” Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn't find any. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case. Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!” Need an ark? I Noah guy. Sleeping comes so naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed. What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay. Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap. And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got hell. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing! Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" Dad: "No sun.” 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 10, 2023 Author Share Posted January 10, 2023 What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 Another groaner for ya... I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 How many legs does a dog have if you count the tail as a leg? Four — calling the tail a leg doesn't make it one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwal³ Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 what's beethoven doing now? decomposing 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 2 hours ago, pwalpwal said: what's beethoven doing now? decomposing Very bad - in a good way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xoo Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 2 hours ago, pwalpwal said: what's beethoven doing now? decomposing But he'll be bach... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 With five legs (including his tail)? 🤔 (Figured someone had to tie these last replies together, ya? 😁) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwal³ Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 How about something from A Taste of Honey? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 12, 2023 Author Share Posted January 12, 2023 A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 12, 2023 Share Posted January 12, 2023 Another man walked into his house and broke his nose... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 13, 2023 Author Share Posted January 13, 2023 What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 14, 2023 Author Share Posted January 14, 2023 I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 Anybody that hates dogs & kids can't be all that bad, (WC Fields) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 15, 2023 Author Share Posted January 15, 2023 I’m reading a book about antigravity. It’s impossible to put down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 18, 2023 Author Share Posted January 18, 2023 What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grem Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 On 1/12/2023 at 12:37 PM, craigb said: Another man walked into his house and broke his nose... That one took me a minute.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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