kennywtelejazz

Hi Strummy ! Once upon a time I did in fact have a massive pole . I remember those days well . I was young and in shape. Back then I had a set of six pack abs . Now that I'm old , wheezing up the 3 flights of stairs up to my flat , I'm now packing a Keg where my six pack abs used to be . I look down at my feet in the morning while I'm on my scale and I'm left saying to myself , "I can no longer see my man junk while looking down at me feet from up here ! Who stole my massive pole and left a micro pecker in it's place? " The authorities were of no help .They told me they didn't have the resources to help me and that it had served me right for telling people for decades the story of how they laughed me out of Harlem for only having ten inches . all the best , Kenny

Kenny

Thanks Grem ! I enjoyed your story also . The Music Store I worked at on W 48 Th St in NYC in the mid 80's was a magnet for having top musicians and guitar players dropping in to socialize , window shop or kill a little time between Gig's . Vernon used to come in and visit one of the guitar guys that worked there . They usually had conversations by passing the guitar back and forth and playing a little each time they did that . We had to do that there because if the owner or MGR heard 2 guys playing the same tune together at the same time on different guitars he would start yelling . I have seen him yell at some known players and it didn't matter who you were 🤣 One day I stood there and listened to Vernon and he started playing some Jazz .... Apparently he was working on developing and improving his chops in that genre so I said hey I play that type of music and he reluctantly handed me the guitar . I played him the same tune he was playing with a few kitchen sinks thrown in just to remind him that unknown guitar players that live under rocks that have to work in music stores can play too . As I was playing he backed up and put a WTF look on his face with the added you ain't so posed to play so good , you work in a guitar store look on his face .I laughed right back at him for that and I won't say we became friends but the few times I saw Vernon after that meeting we wound up having a few conversations VIA passing the guitar back in forth ... All the best , Kenny PS I can spill the beans regarding a lot more encounters along those lines w top tier players that have taken place over the years in various musical settings and circumstances .I just don't want to end up dropping names for the sake of trying to elevate my poor ole ailing self esteem 🫣

OK Craig....As far as I'm concerned You seem to have a habit of always trying to ride me and get a reaction from me with just about every other post I post on this forum . Regardless of the OP or the topic . Yet you don't have the stones to meet me in real Life 😉 Truthfully I don't care all that much about your puzzle . I only participated in your thread to have a little fun with the guys and I sure all ELL don't need your permission to do so . If it's all that important for you to maintain the" integrity of your literary masterpiece" , Why don't you take the time to educate me and show me the ones I missed In plain , simple easy to understand English . Put up or shut up ... Have a nice Day ! Kenny

Hhmmm Interesting Puzzle 🤔 Yay ! We may have cracked the code 🥳 Kenny

Lets hear one that involved an encounter with a professional musician and the comments they made . After my friend Brad and I picked up Joe Pass from the mid town hotel where he was staying and brought him to his Gig . I noticed Joe seemed to be acting a little strange . Normally Joe liked to enjoy a good glass of wine and a top quality cigar before a GIG backstage before his show but on this night he seemed noticeably off. I asked him what was going on and he told me his guitar didn't feel or sound right . So I opened up his guitar case , took a look inside and said "what the heck is this "? Joe looked at me with that look only a puppy dog would give you after he chewed up all the trash and redecorated the leather of you favorite pair of shoes and said " I tried a little experiment ! I wanted to see if cello strings would sound better than the brand of guitar strings I had been using on my guitar" .... I noodled around a little bit on his guitar and came to the conclusion these cello strings are not gonna work at all so I grabbed a set of his back up guitar strings and restrung his guitar as fast as I could backstage . It's a good thing that I did because when I got done he had about 10 or 15 min's free time left before he had to perform his show . So then Joe asks me to warm up and play his guitar and make sure they truly sound OK. So I launch into all my favorite imitations of what Joe Pass would sound like if he had no talent , was blindfolded , had one arm behind his back and had too much to drink 😆 After butchering a number of my interpretations of Solo Guitar Jazz Standards in the style of Joe , Joe told me he thought I sounded pretty good 😛 I knew he was shining me on but what he said next I was not prepared for or expecting ...He said "Kenny I don't feel good and you need to help me out . I'm not able to play or perform tonight ! Can you go out and play my GIG for me "? Right then and there my heart started pounding as it jumped up clear past my throat. I started shaking like a leaf in a tropical tornado . Then I looked down at my shoes with the tears starting to well up in my eyes and sheepishly proclaimed in a raspy whisper " I'm too young to Die .... The audience paid good money to see and hear you play . Not one of them even knows who I am and I might not make it out of here in one piece if I end up trying to do your show for you " The next thing I know Joe and his friend John were laughing their heads off ....They had set me up and pulled a whooper of a practical joke on me . Once the revelation set in I grabbed Joe , forced him into the bathroom stall he had back stage and tied him up with his own neck tie and left him there for the few mins he had left before he performed his show .... Oh man those were good times ...anyway the picture I have enclosed in this post has one of the two bottom shots from that GIG .. Bottom left Joe performing at another one of his Gig's . Bottom right backstage with Joe ..at the GIG from this story .His friend John on the left was a great guitar player and that's little ole me on the right ... Brad who took the lower 2 photo's is in the top photo . We are having a private diner with Joe before one of his Gigs. Whew !!! all the best Kenny

Pretending enlightenment negates instant success because eventually a non penetrating muff muncher's Pud enlargement now envisions sanctuary . Kenny

It is clear to me after reading "that one " in reverse order Paulo's enigmatic nouns instigated Steve ! Kenny

Nice playing 😀 One comment you will never hear concerning these two musicians is " Nice Beards " Kenny

I'm glad you liked my story . Lets see if we can fill in some of the blanks for you😉. I got off work 2 AM after last call , walked her home and stood under a tree in her yard 25 feet away from her house and we talked until the sun came up . Why may you ask ? Well the obvious reason would be it is possible either her mom or her grandma would not have known I was there nor would they have appreciated running across me in their see through nightie's as they went for a 4 AM snack ...SO we kept it outside and respected their space . That is one possible explanation but the truth is this lovely lady had done her homework and researched me over at my Snag A Date with Kenny Wilson Web Page . After she had read my profile she realized one of my greatest turn on's in life is to climb into a tree in a private yard with a lovely woman , beat my chest and proclaim at the top of my lungs " Me Tarzan you Jane " Hope this info helps . All the best , gulp ....Tarzan

Things must have gotten tough all over for Recording Studios . I remember they had a bowl just like that in the reception area but it had something else in it 😎 Kenny

When you fellas get tired of the mess he makes in the yard you can always invite him in the house for breakfast . Kenny

One of the nicest things someone has ever said too me about my guitar playing took place at a small club I was playing in City Island NY back in the 90's . I noticed a young lady in her 30's who need crutches just to walk and stand . She had came out to see me play every time I did a GIG there which turned out to be about once a week . At the end of this gigs night she hobbled up to where I had been playing in the area where I was now packing up my gear she said " Can I talk to you for a moment " I could see it in her eyes that she was energized and filled with positive mojo so I bent over a little and leaned in to meet her at her eye and height level . She asked me if I believed in Reincarnation and I said" Yes I believe in that " . Then she put a big wide smile on her face and blurted out "When I die I want to come back and be reincarnated as your guitar ." I was like wow ! I can tell she had become super embarrassed because tuned redder than an ripe Apple and I did the only thing I could do . I leaned in and put a hug on her that to this day I wish I could experience again . I felt so much emotion stir up inside me for this woman at that moment in time and I asked her was she local and how was she getting home . She told me she lived around 3 or 4 blocks in the area and she had walked to the club. So I strapped my small Fender combo to my motorcycle and left it in front of the club . The I slung my guitar in a gig bag over my shoulder and walked her home . We stood outside the fence of the lawn where she lived under a tree and talked for hours ....I felt so much of a connection that took place in the moment that to even touch her or kiss her would have taken away from the whole wholesome experience ...I figured she had seen and knew how my fingers moved on a guitar and I didn't want to spoil the moment ! 😉 When the Sun came up I said my goodbyes to her . To this day I have always kept a place in my heart just for her . Kenny Why spoil it

😆 So that means they left you , me , and the rest of us to suffer the wrath of all The BOZO 's they left behind .... Oh well ! It's time for" somebodies turn " to put on the red prosthetic nose , wear the big shoes , and drive the tiny little red car ! 😉 Hey Milo ! Get off the hood of our car . I can't see the road 🤣 Kenny

🤣 You just might be right on that one . Today I had one of those old man moments . A really good produce store in my area offers seniors a 10 % discount on Tuesdays . As I'm paying I fished out some loose change so I didn't have to break a bill . I'm sorting the coins out and 2 of them drop and hit the floor .I bend over to get them and I couldn't reach them . After something like 25 seconds I started turning red so the fella next in line a you guy in his 20 's swooped in a picked them up for me ...All I could do was say thank you and laugh ... I did tell him getting old sucks !And that I used to make fun of those I have fallen and I can't get up commercials. Now it seems I'm just about living it . Kenny

About 20 years ago I was playing at an open mic in a coffee house in the San Fernando Valley . I get up plug in my guitar and sit on a chair on the little riser stage . A young guy with shoulder length hair wearing a fashionably in style plaid flannel shirt walks up gets on his knees and places his elbows and upper body partially on the riser stage and leans into my direction watching me like a Hawk as I played my guitar . So I'm in the process of playing a Jazzed Up version of Little Wing and I say to myself I hope the guy digs what I'm playing . When I get done playing the song he says to me "Did you finally get your guitar in tune "? Kenny

Yep ! If I had access to a fully functional Time Machine I would go back to my first guitar lesson . When my teacher asks me what music do I want to learn to play on the guitar I would still answer him what I told him back then . I want to learn how to play Secret Agent Man . This time when he says no we are not here for that and hands me a Clarinet Melodic Studies Book with the Mickey Baker Jazz Guitar Book I will then set the Time Machine into the edit mode , erase his memory and have him brainwashed by using modern A I . Then he would be convinced with out a shadow of a doubt that he wrote the song Secret Agent Man and that I was only there to carry on with spreading the gospel of his music and songwriting . Kenny

When they do I can take all the things I learned about music & music production and bring my knowledge back with me to the past . I would then be able to spare myself all the mistakes and rabbit holes I willingly dived head first with out a clue into . Yep ! And when I'm not doing my music I will be checking out some of the girls I used to know . Kenny

My doctor finally listened to my music and said it liked it a lot . Then he told the office manager about my playing , Now every time I see her she tells me how much she enjoyed listening to my music while vacuuming and cleaning her house 🤣 You got one ? Lets hear it. Kenny

Girls ! Let this be a lesson for you . What ever you do , do not get in the back seat of a car on date night with a guy named The Jack Hammer . Kenny

There has been an abundance of Worldwide Speculation on the whereabouts of Richard Simmons after he disappeared . Let not your heart be troubled . He joined The Witness Relocation Program and formed a Van Halen Tribute Band with Chumlee From Pawn Stars . Kenny

I'm Loving the dogs dancing video 😊 These professional dancers could learn a lot of new moves from them 😉 Kenny

I passed this video on to a number of my friends ...they loved it Kenny

Kenny

Today's Special Kenny