freddy j Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 (edited) Here is a fictitious little story about a young man who notices an old man sitting alone on a bench. After pondering this for a while, he goes over to the old man and engages in conversation. The result (since I'm writing the story) is that both come out of the conversation feeling better than before the conversation. My most thorough critic (my wife) said that she thought the song was sad. However, that was not my intent. The intent is that both subjects of the story are happy. That is particularly true for the young gentleman, as he got some insight as to where he might be headed in his life. Yes, it is not really the Blues but I couldn't think of how to classify the genre --- sorry. I have worked on several versions of this song and and in frustration with them all, I am posting this particular version. Therefore, I would be most appreciative of any crit.'s, comments, suggestions, etc. Thanks!! LONELY OLD MAN https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=963481 NOTE ON RE-MIX: I have completed a major re-mix of this song incorporating the suggestions that have been made below. Unfortunately when I went to substitute the re-mix on my SoundClick site, rather that just replacing the song it deleted the entire post! When I ask SoundClick support if the post could be restored they said ---"unfortunately, no- sorry"! I guess it must have been "operator error" and have to assume the responsibility for the deletion. I have just re-posted the song on SoundClick. As stated above, I have incorporated most if not all of the suggestions made in the comments below. I hope that this version is better. Certainly, I am much more comfortable with it! Thank y'all very much for the input - it is very much appreciated. I am still open for more suggestions if you have them. Edited March 26, 2023 by freddy j added comments 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve@baselines.com Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 Hi Freddy I couldn't get to the link. I was hoping to find out whether I agree with your wife or you LOL. Maybe I'll try a little later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddy j Posted March 14, 2023 Author Share Posted March 14, 2023 Hi Steve, I just tried the link and it seems to work. BTW, my wife is usually right -- sooo, you probably will agree with her. ☺️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSband Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Good song freddy, very catchy, like the keys in there. The drum sound is kind of low fi, is that what you were going for? Not a lot of bass on my system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABull Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Hey Freddy, this is a different type of song from you, I think (haven't heard them all) -- the recording needs some work (eq and stereo separation come to mind) but the demo gets the song across as demos are usually want to do, right? I like the melody on this and the guitars are good -- your vocal sounds a bit different too -- I like it! :) Allan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bajan Blue Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 Hi Freddy I like this, as Allan said a bit different. I do think the drums could do with a bit of work and the bass does need to come up a bit Otherwise cool stuff Nigel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RikF Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 Hi Freddy, nice one, rhythm guitar is a bit to loud when your singing imho. Rik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjornpdx Posted March 18, 2023 Share Posted March 18, 2023 Freddy, Good story telling as usual. I like the voc treatment, but I think the level could be raised a little. Guitar break is a bit long.. Always enjoy the guitar playing. Well done. Put me in mind of John Prine's Hello In There. -Bjorn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 On 3/13/2023 at 12:54 PM, freddy j said: she thought the song was sad Aqualung is sad, and although the "young" man and the "old" man, in this story, are not the same man; its kinda similar; no? ?'s ? t so now lets talk crits. and this is hard because I can't do some eq and move some faders as an example. mid's: there's a lot of mid buildup here that takes away some clarity. I'd start by "high passing" all the guitars If a simple high pass does not "clean" up the lead guitar, I'd put a little more top end on it. I used to have a GSP 2101 guitar processor and the Warm Sweet Solo patch sounded great on its own, loved it! In a mix, way to mid rangy and lacked definition. Now as to the "lines" the lead is playing over(under) the vocal. Its not uncommon for the guitar to "follow" the vocal line (think Voodoo Child Slight Return here). That's not what I'm hearing and I found it a bit distracting. Deal breakers? Of course not, just little things to "tighten" up the production.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Wilson Posted March 20, 2023 Share Posted March 20, 2023 Fred, I love the story in this song. You are a good story teller, and your words can be poignant, funny, philosophical, and timely. I also love the fact that you experiment with various styles of music, which makes you versatile. I'm not all that fond of one-trick-ponies. I believe that Tom has some good suggestions about the mix, and this is a song that's worth it! Keep up the good work, my friend. Always a pleasure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddy j Posted March 21, 2023 Author Share Posted March 21, 2023 Thank you KSband! Sorry for the delay in responding but life started interfering with what I would prefer to be doing. As others on this forum have stated about their own particular song , this is a song that I have loved, hated, ignored and given up on several times. I wanted the story to be told -- hence the lyrics and vocals -- but I wanted the music to relay more of a happy resolution to the story rather than a sad statement. I very much appreciate your comments as it will help me determine what the next (hopefully the final) iteration will be. Thanks again. Hey Allan. Thanks very much for the input! As I stated above this song has been a bit of a "bug-a-boo " (an understatement) for me. I agree with your comments and I will be addressing the need for better separation (or elimination) of instruments in my next attempt at this song. Thank you very much for taking the time to listen and for your suggestions!! Hi Nigel! Thanks for your comments. I do very much appreciate the help and encouragement! I definitely agree that this song does need some mixing help and your advice will be valuable and used as soon as I get the courage to face this song again ?, BTW, love your recent post! Hi RikF. Thanks for listening and commenting. You are absolutely right. There is some competition between the instrumentation and vocals in certain parts. Good call! I will be addressing that in the next few days (hopefully - as time permits). Thanks again. Hey Bjorn. I always appreciate your input! Not only is the first guitar break too long but the second break is a bit long also. I'm a guitar guy so I do tend to get bit carried away. I was having so much fun on the lead on this song that -- ya, I got a wee bit carried away. I realize that current popular consumption of music appreciates vocals more than instrumentation. However, fortunately, I am not trying to sell my music and I allowed myself this little indiscretion. I do agree with you, however, the lead would probably be considered too long by most normal people. Thanks again for listening and I truly always appreciate your comments and suggestions. Hi tom. As always I thank you for listening and for your valued input. I have struggled with this song for a long time. Hopefully, I will get time in the next few days (if life does not again interfere) to apply your suggestions and the other ones above. I particularly appreciate the "applied" suggestions that you have made. Thanks again! Hey Lynn. Thank you for your encouragement and very kind comments my friend. I will be taking all of the suggestions that I have received and applying them to this song (as best as I am able). Thanks again!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnbee58 Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 Another Freddy J classic. You have a style all your own and a flair for those vocal harmonies. Great guitar work, as usual. ?John B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treesha Posted March 21, 2023 Share Posted March 21, 2023 Hi freddy j, Had to chuckle at your "donotknowgenre" description on your soundclick. Enjoyed the storytelling song and look forward to hearing where you go with it. I enjoyed the guitar work a lot. As for the mix, I agree with some of the above comments about some eq to make it more clear and to add more definition to the various parts. I think the vocals could be more out front with a bit more highs for intelligibility. Like listening to the next few songs you have on your soundclick, the vocals are more prominent and clear in those. This song has more of a darkness to it almost sound like its on tape. I know how it is to struggle with a song but hang in there its a good one to spend time with when you are ready! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddy j Posted March 26, 2023 Author Share Posted March 26, 2023 Hi John. Thanks very much for the kind comments! Hi Treesha. Thank you very much for your very kind comments and your chuckle for my genre non-descriptor. All the suggestions above, including yours, were great and I have done a remix using these suggestions. Hopefully, the new mix sounds better. Thanks again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Wilson Posted March 26, 2023 Share Posted March 26, 2023 Well, all I can say is that I like this version better. It is more clear now, but it retains all the warmth and strength of the last version. I love your vocal arrangement, especially where the bg vocals are used to inject an emotional element into the mix. You're at the top of your game! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 26, 2023 Share Posted March 26, 2023 (edited) 16 hours ago, Lynn Wilson said: more clear now, but it retains all the warmth and strength of the last version Yep! Big improvement sonicly Freddy; Love It! t BTW Freddy, I had downloaded the original mp3 so I was able to compare the two... Edited March 27, 2023 by DeeringAmps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeEarCandy Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 On 3/20/2023 at 10:28 AM, DeeringAmps said: Aqualung is sad, and although the "young" man and the "old" man, in this story, are not the same man; its kinda similar; no? ?'s ? t so now lets talk crits. and this is hard because I can't do some eq and move some faders as an example. mid's: there's a lot of mid buildup here that takes away some clarity. I'd start by "high passing" all the guitars If a simple high pass does not "clean" up the lead guitar, I'd put a little more top end on it. I used to have a GSP 2101 guitar processor and the Warm Sweet Solo patch sounded great on its own, loved it! In a mix, way to mid rangy and lacked definition. Now as to the "lines" the lead is playing over(under) the vocal. Its not uncommon for the guitar to "follow" the vocal line (think Voodoo Child Slight Return here). That's not what I'm hearing and I found it a bit distracting. Deal breakers? Of course not, just little things to "tighten" up the production.... "GSP 2101 guitar processor". I have one of those. Great signal processor but noisy as hell! How do you deal with the S/N ratio? This beast is a hissing dragon, but some of those presets are very nice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeEarCandy Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 I didn't hear the first track. Got to agree with your wife. I'm not getting a happy vibe either. Seems to have a matter of fact tone to it. Nevertheless, I like the vocal doubling-well done. Got a bit of Roy Orbison going on and something else that I just can't put my finger on. I'm not very good with genre either. Regardless, I listened to it twice and I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 3 hours ago, FreeEarCandy said: "GSP 2101 guitar processor". I have one of those. Great signal processor but noisy as hell! I retired (then sold) it years ago. I had a “Gold Limited Edition” and I don’t remember it being any worse than your average tube amp. Maybe I gated it with an Alesis 3630. t 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treesha Posted March 27, 2023 Share Posted March 27, 2023 Hi freddy j Good work on the remix! Yes its clearer now. The only minor suggestion (since you said you are open for more) is that I would increase the volume on the guitar notes in the verses behind the vocals and turn down the cymbal (?) there a bit. I just really like the guitar and would like to hear it better, otherwise enjoyed the revision and again very good song ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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