The English language is messed up!

[craigb]

Homographs are words of like spelling, but with more than one meaning.  A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.   

You think English is easy???

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.   
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.  
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?  

Let's face it, English is a crazy language.  There is no egg in eggplant,  nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in  pineapple.  English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries  in France.  Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted but, if we  explore its paradoxes,  we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and  a guinea pig is neither from Guinea  nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce  and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth is teeth, why  isn't the plural of booth, beeth?  One goose, two geese.  So one  moose, two meese?  One index, two indices?  And, if the plural of mouse is mice, and that of louse is lice, why isn’t the plural of house, hice, and of spouse, spice?  Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?  If you have a  bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what  do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?  Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum  for the verbally insane.  In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?  Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a  wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  You have to marvel  at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling  it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity  of the human race, which, of course, is not a race  at all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS.  Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings  than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP,  meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,  why do we wake UP?   

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP, why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver;  we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.   

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.   

At other times the little word has real special meaning.  People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.   

We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night.  We seem to be mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.  It will take UP a lot of your time but, if you don't give UP,  you may wind UP with a hundred or more. 

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. 

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
 
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.  

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so... it is time to shut UP!

Now it's UP to you what you do with this post.

Edited May 24, 2020 by craigb

[craigb]

No, I didn't write it, but I did spend WAY too long correcting about 90% of the grammar errors!  Maybe the author was going to tackle that at another time...

Edited May 26, 2020 by craigb

[ensconced]

meh, to me it matters not just as long as what is being said /written is understood.

I'm going 2 buy too ToPac cd's 2day.

The message still gets through, but I guess in any 'official' role English, grammar etc matters, I couldn't care less personally.

[craigb]

2 minutes ago, ensconced said:

meh, to me it matters not just as long as what is being said /written is understood.

I'm going 2 buy too ToPac cd's 2day.

The message still gets through, but I guess in any 'official' role English, grammar etc matters, I couldn't care less personally.

What do you mean?

[craigb]

(??)

[ensconced]

Of course I  would try a little harder when straummy is involved in the conversation.

[ensconced]

9 minutes ago, ensconced said:

I'm going 2 buy too ToPac cd's 2day.

I feel the need to go on record and say that I have not, and never will buy, download, steal or otherwise own or have in my possession any CD's or other material or items relating to the a fore mentioned 2Pac.

[Starise]

Thanks Craig!

I didn't do so well in English class though I could read and spell at collegiate level in 5th grade, which never made much sense to me. It was the terms designed to explain a thing in English. The scientific break down and terminology I didn't grok. Didn't help there were 30 students in the class and if you didn't understand anything they didn't wait for you to get it, which means anything else you leaned from then on had no foundation because it was all built on everything else.

..........so I guess what I'm trying to say is this gives me a great excuse for flunking.

 

[Wibbles]

51 minutes ago, craigb said:

Homographs are words of like spelling, but with more than one meaning.  A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.   

You think English is easy???

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.   
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 
? A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.  
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?  

Let's face it, English is a crazy language.  There is no egg in eggplant,  nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in  pineapple.  English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries  in France.  Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted but, if we  explore its paradoxes,  we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and  a guinea pig is neither from Guinea  nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce  and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth is teeth, why  isn't the plural of booth, beeth?  One goose, two geese.  So one  moose, two meese?  One index, two indices?  And, if the plural of mouse is mice, and that of louse is lice, why isn’t the plural of house, hice, and of spouse, spice?  Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?  If you have a  bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what  do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?  Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum  for the verbally insane.  In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?  Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a  wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  You have to marvel  at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling  it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity  of the human race, which, of course, is not a race  at all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS.  Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings  than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP,  meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,  why do we wake UP?   

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP, why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver;  we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.   

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.   

At other times the little word has real special meaning.  People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.   

We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night.  We seem to be mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.  It will take UP a lot of your time but, if you don't give UP,  you may wind UP with a hundred or more. 

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. 

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
 
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.  

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so... it is time to shut UP!

Now it's UP to you what you do with this post.

Written by an American, so none of it counts as far as I'm concerned. 

[Wibbles]

58 minutes ago, craigb said:

No, I didn't write it, but I did spend WAY to long correcting about 90% of the grammar errors!

Shouldn't you leave that to someone who is qualified. 

[craigb]

32 minutes ago, Wibbles said:

Shouldn't you leave that to someone who is qualified. 

'Tis why I did it!  Everyone knows you can't trust anyone from England!  ?

[Wibbles]

6 hours ago, craigb said:

'Tis why I did it!  Everyone knows you can't trust anyone from England!  ?

Not if their name is Boris. 

[paulo]

 

[craigb]

I still think water polo is extremely cruel for the horses...

[57Gregy]

1 hour ago, craigb said:

I still think water polo is extremely cruel for the horses...

Imagine how the water feels!

Edited May 25, 2020 by 57Gregy

[InstrEd]

14 minutes ago, 57Gregy said:

Imagine how the water feels!

I can't,  I'm not allowed in the water with the pandemic ?

[SteveStrummerUK]

20 hours ago, ensconced said:

Of course I  would try a little harder when straummy is involved in the conversation.

Harsh, but fair ?

@craigb - I've delved quite deeply (as you might imagine) into etymology as it really interests me. For my sins, I had to study Latin at school and although I loathed it at the time, it certainly helps in getting a handle on the roots from which a lot of modern words derive.

As per your examples, a lot of things happen to share the same words, but the derivation/source of that particular word may be completely different.

 

 

Edit - spelling [now there's irony ?]

Edited May 25, 2020 by SteveStrummerUK

[Sheens]

Normally I don't tell people, but I was a teacher at a high science university for many years.

I remember all the professors always came to me for the problems they couldn't work out.

I'm humble about it, I really never tell people.

when I won those awards and they asked me to write books so they could understand how I solved all the science problems.

I stopped teaching the professors at the high science university as I was getting bored explaining them all the things that were so simple for me.

 

 

[Wibbles]

3 hours ago, SteveStrummerUK said:

As per your examples, a lot of things happen to share the same words, but the derivation/source of that particular word may be completely different.

Also the pronunciation and meaning of words change over the years.

Further, a lot of the so-called "paradoxes" are wrong. The first piece says more about the author's lack of knowledge than it does about the English language.

 

[craigb]

Kids now think "bad" is good and "sick" is awesome...  *Sigh...* ?