Not that it says anything about you NOT being a weirdo (?), but I think most of the recommendations above ARE for some kind of trackball (or thumb-ball).
I still have a few of the Expert Mouse trackballs in my PC bin. These were our secret advantage when we were gaming. We used them at work and got VERY good at quickly changing our aim. In the Counter Strike league we were in, our two squads ended up being first and second before we quit. The mods watched a lot of our videos because the n00bs were always accusing us of cheating. ?