craigb

Reminds me of the time I went on a trip for three days and nine nights...

Awesome!

And that is the key part that many are missing currently:  Focus on the good stuff not the bad! 🙂

(Quantum Mechanics:  What you focus on most is what you get more of! 🤓 )

Here, have a few! 😁
 

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...  Floor.
 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
 

The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live!
 

If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
 

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
 

Is there another word for synonym?
 

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
 

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
 

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
 

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will break-in and clean them?
 

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
 

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 

If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
 

Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
 

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those  yellow road signs?
 

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people!
 

Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?
 

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
 

How is it possible to have a civil war?
 

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
 

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
 

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
 

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of “as steroids"?
 

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
 

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
 

If you spin an  oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
 

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
 

Why do shops have signs that say 'Guide dogs only!' when the dogs can't read and their owners are blind?
 

1 hour ago, Wibbles said:

There's no Logic to it.

No Reason either?

I'm sticking with Notepad!!!

Elton John - Funeral For A Friend / Love Lies Bleeding

(I used to call up the radio station and request this often!  They hated the fact that it was so long back then, but way too many requested it so it got a lot of air time!)

5 hours ago, Old Joad said:

Yikes, I forgot about his condition👩🏼‍⚕️😎

Just add a monkey somewhere and he'll be ok! 😆

*Sheens is triggered!* 😁

1 hour ago, Notes_Norton said:

I'm not planning on this for my next vacation destination. Mine is for 'exit only'.

 

 

Did you call them to have them remove your image from the bottom left Bob? 😆

Are we talking about becan now?  'Cause I'm thinking about becan...

I may be a kleptomaniac, but I'm taking something for it! 😁

😁

Lynyrd Skynrd - That Smell

(But, how does he know he's actually awake??? 🤔😜)

3 hours ago, Notes_Norton said:

Except in Budweiser.

(But nobody should be drinking that horrible stuff anyway, ya?)

Ooo... I know where the time goes!  (I'm just not allowed to tell others. 😜)

Gee, there used to be a Listening To This Now thread, didn't there? 🤔

*Pfft!*  It's just "borrowing!" 😜

and I feel fine!

You'd think a Psychologist would know that how you say something matters, eh? 😆

random

Reminds me of this sentence that can be said, but not written:

"There are three two's in the English language."

"There are three to's in the English language."

"There are three too's in the English language."