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Final Countdown - not a deal

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Omg, this is the first time I check this thread. My little sister died of cancer 3 months ago. And I’m still unable to quit smoking. Please take care of yourselves, people.

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And a good reminder to focus on THE IMPORTANT things...

 I'm very sorry for your loss Esteban.  :(

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Yes, my deepest condolences Esteban...the loss of sibling is really hard.  I just
lost my older brother less than a year ago, and there's not a day that I don't think
about him and tear up....

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Esteban, don't give up trying to quit. If I did it, so can you. You will get over the real physical addiction in about 3 days, then it drops off after that for about 2-3 weeks. After that it's in the mind. And how to cope with that part is an individual thing. It's mostly keeping your mind on something else. Just don't give up.

Sorry to hear both Esteban and Larry lost siblings. That's a big one for sure. I didn't realize how long it had been since I lost my only brother. It still feels like just the other day.

 

On 3/1/2021 at 11:19 AM, Esteban Villanova said:

Please take care of yourselves, people.

Great advise. You too Esteban.  

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Too much loss people, my condolences. Stay strong, never forget and in the future the emptiness will be filled with fond memories. 

Rocky

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14 hours ago, Grem said:

Esteban, don't give up trying to quit. If I did it, so can you. You will get over the real physical addiction in about 3 days, then it drops off after that for about 2-3 weeks. After that it's in the mind. And how to cope with that part is an individual thing. It's mostly keeping your mind on something else. Just don't give up.

Sorry to hear both Esteban and Larry lost siblings. That's a big one for sure. I didn't realize how long it had been since I lost my only brother. It still feels like just the other day.

 

Great advise. You too Esteban.  

Thanks, dude. I’m definitely quitting soon. Big hug and I’m sorry for your loss.

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Posted (edited)

This is way too personal and I'll delete it later, but @Esteban Villanovaand @cclarry your posts resonated. 

 I'm all that's left of my entire family, including three siblings. My mother was a working musician and music teacher and my three siblings and I were all trained musicians from an early age. I started on piano then organ, but my siblings formed a family band and decided I had a natural talent for drums, so I became the family band's drummer. So for years, we performed at recitals and events as a family band. Recently one of my brother's friends found my name in a FB group we're both in and publicly asked me, one by one, how each of my siblings were doing. It was probably the most depressing subthread ever.  After telling him that each sibling died except my brother, who was then in the hospital dying of lung cancer, he wrote, "You're joking, right?" I responded, "I'm not sure of which universe this would be considered funny in, but it's definitely not the one I'm living in." Then I tried to lighten things up -- as much as wass possible -- with a really dark joke, "Even Skynyrd has more surviving members. And even I wouldn't buy a ticket to see a band who's only remaining member is the drummer."

So yeah, I'm all that's left and way too familiar with tragedy.  The same year my son was born, my first child was born, my remaining sister died. My father within two months. My brother, the eldest, died more recently of lung cancer. But for our family he was super old, 61. 

It's incredibly tough to lose someone close to you like a sibling. That longing to see them again doesn't go away, you just get used to it.  I thank God I had my kids because that's what kept me going. Three months is nothing when you just lost someone with you your entire life until recently.  Estaban. My heart goes out to you. I want to encourage you to actively seek ways to stay positive.

As for my youngest sister, she was a hero to me. I talk about her regularly to my kids and important things she taught me in life to ensure they know all about her and how important she was in shaping who I am. It doesn't bring her back, but letting my kids and others know what a wonderful person she was and how much she influenced my life is a way of honoring her and it means something to me and is kind of my way of showing gratitude. 

I realize that this is a long way from the purpose of this forum, but hey, this is a difficult time for people all over the world (due to the pandemic), so I think if you made a post to tell us a little about what you loved about your sister, it would be nice. Yeah, this is all phenomenally off topic, but I think some things matter more than staying on topic. 

 

Edited by PavlovsCat
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But for our family he was super old, 61. 

That's my age now...and I know the tracks are running out...

It's incredibly tough to lose someone close to you like a sibling. That longing to see them again doesn't go away, you just get used to it

Truer words were never spoken.  I've said repeatedly that the hardest thing about growing old is watching as the ones that you love the most
disappear...

Parents and Siblings are especially traumatic....

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Posted (edited)

I was 21 when my sister, 26 years old and 6 months pregnant died. My eldest sister lived to be 48. Honestly, the day that gets to me the most? This stupid Hallmark holiday called Siblings Day when I see a bunch of posts from friends. I'm happy for them, but it's tough. I've never posted in this thread, but I've read every post, starting with the first heartbreaking post. A lot of us are familiar with pain and loss and I just thought, especially during this time - one friend I made several years ago from KVR lost 4 friends from COVID-19 during the last year and he's in his 40s -- it can be important to share our grief and let others know they're not alone. 

Edited by PavlovsCat
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True!  Being able to express that grief openly is a very helpful thing psychologically.

I can't imagine, nor would I want to, the grief of a parent who loses a child...parents and
siblings are hard enough!  The loss of a child would be the ultimate test of your fortitude...
 

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Just now, cclarry said:

True!  Being able to express that grief openly is a very helpful thing psychologically.

I can't imagine, nor would I want to, the grief of a parent who loses a child...parents and
siblings are hard enough!  The loss of a child would be the ultimate test of your fortitude...
 

I agree. I've been with friends who have lost a child and it is my greatest fear in life. 

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Posted (edited)

Okay, I need to find a way to make this more positive. You know what I love about this community? Years ago I would really get sickened by how nasty people could be at KVR until I saw some even worse behavior at VI Control -- which is much better these days. And my profession is digital marketing (well I'm a business owner of a small dot com, but it was leading digital marketing at companies before that). But I'd historically come to the Cakewalk forum and people were really kind here. There's just always been a friendly vibe. Oh yeah, I remember some epic rants Larry had about IK, that I found kind of amusing, and I remember hearing him out and totally understood his frustration (my account was eDrummist at the time, which I somehow couldn't access and started this account). But overall, there are truly a lot of nice people in this forum (thank God we're not talking politics!!!). The way people responded to Terry's heartbreaking post, which I think has another level of connection to those of us with kids, and to those of us who've lost close family members, is really meaningful. 

On 9/11, I was a director at the company with the second highest number of employees killed. I was actually responsible for a meeting in the WTC South Tower scheduled for that day on like the 101st floor. It was cancelled on 9/11 morning (I wasn't scheduled to be there, but people I worked with were and I remember an account guy the meeting was with was driving in and saw the first plane crash into one of the WTC buildings and he told me I was his second call after his wife. Afterwards, I saw more kindness poured out of people then I've ever known. I handled the message boards our employee survivors and their families used for info on survivors. There were heartbreaking stories and then there were stories of people who saw co-workers when they were fleeing the building wondering if they survived and every once in a while, the person they were asking about would post and it was very moving.  And that company was a Fortune 200, and I saw kindness from all over the world. I had an online publication and forum of my own in those days and I saw people from around the world offering their good wishes. It was a horrific event, but the kindness that followed after was nothing less than stunning. I've never witnessed more kindness in this nation. I'm sad to say that hasn't been the case with the pandemic. I'm not going to get political, and I wish no one would have, because it's really destroyed our humanity for one another in the US.

But this thread was a reminder to me`of those days following that horrific tragedy. And here in the US, we're seeing death tolls each day exceeding those lost on 9/11. We're getting used to this, and yeah, this is not an easy time. Yet, the kindness and compassion I saw in this thread has been a real sign of hope. My desire is that  we can sustain that atmosphere of compassion here and elsewhere, especially now with so much suffering in the world. I mentioned eariler, I have a friend I made years ago from KVR, who is in his 40s and lost four friends. If I added up the people lost to COVID-19 through friends of mine in the last several months it's over 20 and I know that many others have similar stories or have lost loved ones.  I really hope there is some way that Terry is still with us. And if he isn't, I hope somehow the money raised can still help his wife and children. Most of all, thanks for showing such kindness to Terry and one another in this thread. It's a lot more important than the deals posted here, but that's a lot of fun and helps things still seem normal, so please don't stop, Larry.  We need things to feel normal. 

Edited by PavlovsCat
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Posted (edited)

@PavlovsCat what a great post! Thanks for sharing your story and your enthusiasm in this matter after all you've been through!. . Again and again shows how great and passionate this place is! Thanks to all you guys for making this possible! Hoping the best for Terry and his family ...

But also for everyone else here that is  in some kind of despair!  You know you're not alone here 🙂

 

Edited by ZokZTM
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20 hours ago, Esteban Villanova said:

Thanks, dude. I’m definitely quitting soon. Big hug and I’m sorry for your loss.

Esteban, you can do it... just wake up one morning and say ... THAT'S IT! I'm done with that!  And from there it all goes towards better... little by little! Focus on something else, like every week spend the saved money on making something nice for yourself...  like buying a great plugin and making a memorable piece of music with it... Memory of the times you quitted but where not the ''quitter'' 🙂 . Oh and that one morning should be sooner that you expect it to be! Best of luck 🙂

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8 hours ago, PavlovsCat said:

Yet, the kindness and compassion I saw in this thread has been a real sign of hope

Yep, Cake community always had the "the others" family feeling. I also have the feeling that internet gives an apparent bigger voice to those who shout louder, who wouldn't shout that loud in real life. So you have to be aware of it and keep in mind that you are more sorrounded by nice people than what it may show in the e-reality

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As some of you know, I've had my own loss (a year and a half ago), and know the feeling of losing someone very close.

My fingers are crossed that Terry is still with us, and that we can get the money to his family no matter what.

All the best.

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Just an idea -- I promise to get back to making mildly amusing posts soon -- but I think it would be a wonderful tribute to Terry if we kept this thread going and used it to encourage one another and spread a little kindness. Just look at what some of us have shared and how people responded. That's really significant, IMO. I think it matters and when you read Terry's post, I think it honors him. He wrote about leaving behind his wife and children and he found a way to be grateful for what he had. That's both heartbreaking and powerful at once. I didn't know Terry, but from those words, I identified with him and felt empathy for him. His words clearly reached others and seemed to bring out something really good in us and I want it to continue. 

Wherever you are Terry, I hope you are okay and I wish your family strength. Thank you for inspiring me and others to think about what really matters, one another. 

Larry, when I think of this forum, I think of you. Bandlab seriously should write you a check because this forum is largely "powdered by @cclarry." Look at the threads in this forum. And you were the first person reaching out to help Terry.  I admit that I cynically at first wondered if someone might be pulling a scam, I wasn't familiar with Terry and I don't know you personally, but as time went by it became rather clear that isn't the case, this is real. So Larry, thanks for not just being the deal guy, but leading with a big heart. 

Now back to trying to get a laugh out of you in one of your deal posts. 

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