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Notes_Norton

Puns Anyone? Got 'em? Post 'em.

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Found some fresh ones (just don't step in 'em!). 😁

 

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled. 

Writing my name in cursive is my signature move. 

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on. 

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around. 

I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars. 

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. 

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. 

How can you tell if someone is a pirate?  They just arrrr.

I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it. 

Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark. 

Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell. 

When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare. 

Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.” 

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence. 

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering. 

I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find. 

I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road 

What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re. 

I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.” 

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self. 

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

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And a bonus that should be very appropriate for this forum!

My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band. 😉👍

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2 hours ago, Notes_Norton said:

My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl...

 

I said I didn’t know he could!

That's your first strike...

 

 

 

😜

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So, if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure? 🤔

Edited by craigb

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We'll give you eight, but 7 and 10 split! 😁

(Of course, I could just be a turkey and throw you in the gutter! 😜)

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4 hours ago, Notes_Norton said:

Good news, the Lego store has reopened...


People are lined up for blocks!

*Pfft!*  That's so page 19 Bob! 😜

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3 hours ago, craigb said:

*Pfft!*  That's so page 19 Bob! 😜

I have a great memory ... ... ... ... ... it's just a little short.

But that's a blessing because I can laugh at the same joke twice!!! 😁

- - - - - - -

If attacked by a mob of clowns...

...go for the juggler.

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