Barry Seymour Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 (edited) EDIT: New mix for 2024.06.23: Here's a new one, and it's rather ambitious. I wrote this one backwards; I started off with a photograph as my inspiration. It was a beautiful photograph of a man standing on a beach, gazing up into a darkened sky with a light on his head. I first got in in 2022, and got permission from my photographer friend to use it as an album cover. I loved it so much I called my album "The Sky. " But I didn't have a song called "The Sky." It ended up taking me two years to write it. So here it is. It's long, it's spacey, it's eight minutes, and it features some stellar playing from a pedal steel guitar playing friend of mine and my favorite bassist. I recommend you use headphones on this one... and it will take some time. Constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome, and thank you in advance. EDIT Edited June 23 by Barry Seymour 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noynekker Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 @Barry Seymour . . . WOW, this is simply a classic piece, storytelling in the lyric is excellent. Really enjoyed it ! Hard to add critiques to this one, but in an eight minute piece it took 4 minutes to get to the "SKY" chorus, and only 2 choruses when it's done. For sure, not the standard pop song format, but the artistic integrity shines above it all here. Also want to add that your vocals are recorded and sung very well, smooth and clear, so easy to follow the story because of that ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted June 1 Author Share Posted June 1 1 hour ago, noynekker said: @Barry Seymour . . . WOW, this is simply a classic piece, storytelling in the lyric is excellent. Really enjoyed it ! Hard to add critiques to this one, but in an eight minute piece it took 4 minutes to get to the "SKY" chorus, and only 2 choruses when it's done. For sure, not the standard pop song format, but the artistic integrity shines above it all here. Also want to add that your vocals are recorded and sung very well, smooth and clear, so easy to follow the story because of that ! Very kind, thanks! This tended to grow in the writing. For some reason I just couldn't cut it down. Ah well, I guess Columbia Records won't come calling after all... ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjornpdx Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 Great job on creating such a dreamy mood. Thoroughly enjoyed it and I didn't notice the 8 min length. But if I had to offer a suggestion I'd say it needs a stronger chorus.The verses stayed with me after the song was over but I was missing the thing that ties it all together, maybe just a phrase with a stronger hook, something like that. Just one man's opinion. -Bjorn 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack c. Posted June 1 Share Posted June 1 pink floyd.nice.jack c 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Wilson Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 Good song, Barry. It seemed shorter than 8 minutes which is always a good sign. Keep it up! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Carroll Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 (edited) Sounds a bit like a track that is at the end of a movie, Like a James Bond Movie. Very good production, sound like you put love into it Terry Edited June 17 by Terry Carroll info Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bajan Blue Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 Hi Barry I really like this - that pedal steel guitar really adds a great feel to this Your vocals are great Cool Nigel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dean Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 On 5/31/2024 at 5:35 PM, Barry Seymour said: Here's a new one, and it's rather ambitious. I wrote this one backwards; I started off with a photograph as my inspiration. It was a beautiful photograph of a man standing on a beach, gazing up into a darkened sky with a light on his head. I first got in in 2022, and got permission from my photographer friend to use it as an album cover. I loved it so much I called my album "The Sky. " But I didn't have a song called "The Sky." It ended up taking me two years to write it. So here it is. It's long, it's spacey, it's eight minutes, and it features some stellar playing from a pedal steel guitar playing friend of mine and my favorite bassist. I recommend you use headphones on this one... and it will take some time. Constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome, and thank you in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dean Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 A good one! I like your rich bass voice. If there is a criticism your higher notes are a little weak. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve@baselines.com Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 Nice job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted June 23 Author Share Posted June 23 I spent a lot of time redoing this; I had too much glurge in the mix with effects applied to each track as I added it. I basically went back in and replaced the acoustic guitar track with an electric guitar; it blends a lot better. I also stripped special effects from all channels, then redid them. There are a lot fewer effects in here, and things sound a lot clearer. This is mixed, but not mastered. I consider the mix 75% done; I have to do more tweaking to balance things at different points in the song. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted June 23 Author Share Posted June 23 17 hours ago, Dean said: A good one! I like your rich bass voice. If there is a criticism your higher notes are a little weak. Truth. I've been tweaking the vocals in Melodyne; more to do. New mix below. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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