Barry Seymour Posted March 26, 2021 Share Posted March 26, 2021 I'm asking for real scrutiny on this one. It's quiet and contemplative; if there are any hiccups that distract, I need to know about them. My bassist friend Jack provided upright bass on this, both for the pizzicato bass and the solo. I am indebted to him. I've been working on it for a long time, I need some perspective. Thanks in advance for any / all guidance you can provide. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUPAREELS Posted March 26, 2021 Share Posted March 26, 2021 I'm gonna get banned from this website for this but , I think this is fkn fantastic and probably the best story told in song ... bought tears to my old eyes and I've heard quite a few deep meaning songs ..I will be listening this for quite a few times it really hits a chord with me .. so thanks mate ! ATB Steve 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSband Posted March 26, 2021 Share Posted March 26, 2021 I could never think of that many word to say, you are a poet. Very nice. Listening on my phone so can't say too much about the mix. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted March 26, 2021 Author Share Posted March 26, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, SupaReels said: I'm gonna get banned from this website for this but , I think this is fkn fantastic and probably the best story told in song ... bought tears to my old eyes and I've heard quite a few deep meaning songs ..I will be listening this for quite a few times it really hits a chord with me .. so thanks mate ! ATB Steve It means a lot to me that the song moved you. That is, after all, the point! ? Thank you for saying that. Edited March 26, 2021 by Barry Seymour 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 27, 2021 Share Posted March 27, 2021 That was beautiful Barry; well done! Its hard to criticize, but that's what you want so here goes... I hear what I believe are open strings in one of the guitars that are just "loud" (0:43 on the time line for instance), minor thing really but I went back to be sure what I was hearing; found it a bit distracting (again minor thing). The string pad in the right can is a bit "static", again a minor thing, but you asked for "critical" so that's my 6 bits... t As always tremendous piece of storytelling. You know how I am with song length, and seeing it was 5 plus minutes I thought "oh boy". BUT, it was perfect, you used that 5+ to tell your story; wouldn't change a thing... ?'s 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack c. Posted March 27, 2021 Share Posted March 27, 2021 so what are these hiccups that distract.all sounds fine to me ears.jack c. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted March 28, 2021 Author Share Posted March 28, 2021 On 3/26/2021 at 7:20 PM, DeeringAmps said: That was beautiful Barry; well done! Its hard to criticize, but that's what you want so here goes... I hear what I believe are open strings in one of the guitars that are just "loud" (0:43 on the time line for instance), minor thing really but I went back to be sure what I was hearing; found it a bit distracting (again minor thing). The string pad in the right can is a bit "static", again a minor thing, but you asked for "critical" so that's my 6 bits... t As always tremendous piece of storytelling. You know how I am with song length, and seeing it was 5 plus minutes I thought "oh boy". BUT, it was perfect, you used that 5+ to tell your story; wouldn't change a thing... ?'s No, this is good. Critical is what I want. So one of the strings is 'pinging' a bit too loudly? As for 'static,' what do you mean? It needs more movement? I'm playing the keyboard with my thumbs here, but I am getting better at editing the notes in the piano roll. Suggestions / clarification welcome. And thanks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canopus Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 Beautiful song. The lyrics were poetic and very touching. As for details, maybe the fade-out should have been just a little bit slower. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 7 hours ago, Barry Seymour said: As for 'static,' what do you mean? It needs more movement? Exactly. Are you playing chords here, or is it a "patch" that a single note gives you a chord? (and trust me, I get the "playing with my thumbs", I'm not a keyboardist, nor am I an "arranger") I would try for a little more "motion" in the "pad", and again not being an "arranger" I can't be more specific... As to the "second" guitar. Use the "dim solo" to play it against the mix, its just a couple of spots were it sticks out a bit to me; again a very minor thing. A little automation on that track maybe. (just a note, when I listen to Get Back, there's a guitar in there, George maybe?, that misses a change. As far as I know I'm the only one who ever noticed or mentions it...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garybrun Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 Barry.... what a beautiful song mate. Love the vocal and great lyrics. Beautiful.We all paint very different pictures... and I'm not saying my picture is better than yours. I would de ess a little more.... maybe its coming from the verb. De-essing the verb 1. Insert a de-esser after the reverb in the signal path. 2. Set the frequency anywhere from 3khz to 5khz 3. Set the range for the most clarity in the vocal. Adjust release control to prevent chatterhttps://we.tl/t-KqQwAZv7jD I would like a little more flow... try riding the faders with automation. Just close your eyes and ride the string parts Pads could have a little more space. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulo Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 Mix comes across nicely on laptop speakers. I like the way the vocal sounds so effortless and whatever you are using for reverb sounds nice. As for crits (bearing in mind lappy speakers) the vocal line at 2:36 is a little buried compared to the rest, a little sibilance here and there (1:25 as an example) and the string pad is too much there all the time for me and as the song progresses becomes almost annoying. If it were me in the production chair that is the main thing I would want to change. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjornpdx Posted March 28, 2021 Share Posted March 28, 2021 Barry Beautiful song, beautiful story. Since you asked for scrutiny I'll point out a couple of spots that stood out to me. 0:42 "hot" sounded glitchy Your lyrics came across nice and clear most of the time except at 1:19, 2:36, 3:47 where the words got a bit buried. I liked the part about the house your father built but I didn't catch the rest of the story. Putting that aside, you got the emotion through loud and clear. Love the imagery of snow drifts on a cold and silent winter night. Very effective string accompaniment too. -Bjorn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 Thanks, everyone, for the detailed feedback. I re-did the lead guitar as there was a ringing string in there that I didn't hear until I soloed the track. I boosted the bass a touch.https://soundcloud.com/barry-seymour/the-silence-of-snow-drifts-0328 As for the other remarks, I will digest and remix. Good stuff, thanks! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bajan Blue Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 Barry Beautiful track - Guitar and strings combination is great Cool Nigel 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garybrun Posted March 29, 2021 Share Posted March 29, 2021 8 hours ago, Barry Seymour said: Thanks, everyone, for the detailed feedback. I re-did the lead guitar as there was a ringing string in there that I didn't hear until I soloed the track. I boosted the bass a touch.https://soundcloud.com/barry-seymour/the-silence-of-snow-drifts-0328 As for the other remarks, I will digest and remix. Good stuff, thanks! I listened to this once again Barry, Really great poetry. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted March 29, 2021 Author Share Posted March 29, 2021 On 3/28/2021 at 8:06 AM, DeeringAmps said: Exactly. Are you playing chords here, or is it a "patch" that a single note gives you a chord? (and trust me, I get the "playing with my thumbs", I'm not a keyboardist, nor am I an "arranger") I would try for a little more "motion" in the "pad", and again not being an "arranger" I can't be more specific... As to the "second" guitar. Use the "dim solo" to play it against the mix, its just a couple of spots were it sticks out a bit to me; again a very minor thing. A little automation on that track maybe. (just a note, when I listen to Get Back, there's a guitar in there, George maybe?, that misses a change. As far as I know I'm the only one who ever noticed or mentions it...) I basically wrote this by plunking a few keys to get the basic rhythms down; I then transitioned to fleshing the parts out by clicking in the piano roll. Then I quantized it. I think I used my elbows at one point. ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noynekker Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 Barry . . . this one tells a story, and paints many mental pictures, and it reaches deep into the listener, young or old, I think . . . one of those rare poetic moments where it's painful and beautiful all at the same time. Mix wise, not sure how you could do it different, the vocals and lyrical poetry takes most of my attention as I listen, and the gentle guitar flows along with it, none of the other instruments take away from that, they only add to it. I sincerely hope more people of the world get to hear this. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wookiee Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 A life story, well sung, well supported on guitar and bass. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Wilson Posted March 30, 2021 Share Posted March 30, 2021 When you put your voice to a melody and lyrics like these, you're bound to hit a homerun. I really appreciate your restraint because some would embellish the hell out of this when it isn't necessary. Good job, Barry! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Seymour Posted March 30, 2021 Author Share Posted March 30, 2021 Just now, Lynn Wilson said: When you put your voice to a melody and lyrics like these, you're bound to hit a homerun. I really appreciate your restraint because some would embellish the hell out of this when it isn't necessary. Good job, Barry! Thanks for the kind words. My actual problem is that my voice is not as solid and effortless as it was when I was younger. It took several passes and multiple takes for me to get this, and even then I hear places where I'm not quite on the note the way I want to be. So I'm definitely not inclined to try and show off!! ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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