Notes_Norton

I don't drink beer. It was the first drink I got sick on - violently sick - and to this day I haven't acquired a taste for it. (Whine whine whine.) Whine? Someone say wine? But a good red wine? That's another story. I just bought some Robert Mondavi Cabernet aged in bourbon barrels. Yummy. Cheers!

"Liar" - Argent

Ron had owned a large farm in Florida for several years. He had a large pond at the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Burning Hell - Joe Bonamassa

Windows open, and a mockingbird has been singing for over an hour, almost non-stop

It's about "working girls" "Bad Girls" - Donna Summer

A blond and a lawyer were sitting next to each other in first class on a plane. The blonde just wanted to sleep. The lawyer said, "Let's play a game, I'll ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer you give me $5, they you ask. She says, "No, I just want to sleep." So the lawyer, says OK, I'll make it more interesting, I'll give you $50 if I don't know the answer, and if you don't know, it'll only cost you $5. This interests the blond. The lawyer asks, "What does nolo contendere mean?" and the blonde silently reaches in her purse and hands him $5. The lawyer says, "Now it's your turn". The blond asks, "What goes up a hill on 3 legs but comes down on 4?" The lawyer gets out his phone and his laptop and spends the rest of the flight trying to answer this one. Meanwhile the blonde is sleeping. When the plane starts to descend for landing, the lawyer wakes the blonde, and says, "I don't know the answer" and hands her $50. Then he asks "OK what is the answer to your question?" and she reaches in her purse and hands him $5.

Now you tell me :D I guess I'm stuck here.

"Higher And Higher" - Moody Blues

I joined when I found my old MIDI Sequencer no longer works well in Windows 10 and was looking for a replacement. I was immediately welcomed and enjoyed the great sense of humor by the 'regulars' here and made a lot of new friends. My main instrument is saxophone, but I also play wind synthesizer, flute, guitar, bass, drums, vocals and enough keyboards to impress non-musicians ;) I write aftermarket style e-disks and song e-disks for Band-in-a-Box but until COVID, my main source of income has always been gigging. I don't have a day job, and don't want one. I'm in a duo with my wife who is a great singer and plays guitar and synth. If I have guitar GAS, she encourages it because she knows that she will get to play it too! I make my own backing tracks sometimes with the help of BiaB and most of the time from scratch. I quit FB and all the other anti-social groups except for a half dozen music forums. The anti-social media was just irritating me so I quit. I also had some ethical reasons, but that's a whole 'nother thread. I still use my old MIDI sequencer, Master Tracks Pro on an old XP or Win7 computer. It has great MIDI editing tools, and without the burden of audio, everything is available from the menu with one click. I spend more time with my hands on music instruments and less time with my hands on the computer. Notes

You must mean the skivvies. Some of my fellow degenerates on this forum already polluted my brain :D :D :D

A new novice joined a monastery. The Abbot, an old guy with a long white beard was showing the new kid around. Here is your room ... here's the library and meet Brother Luke the librarian ... come meet the cook in the kitchen, Brother Mark ... and here is the scriptorium. The novice is looking at over a dozen monks hunched over desks and asks the Abbot what they are doing. And he said they are copying sacred books. When they get done, we sell the one they were copying from and then they copy the copy. It's how we make our living. The originals are kept safe from harm. So the novice asks the abbot "What if they make a mistake? Won't the mistake be copied again and again and again?" The abbot said he would had to think about that. Look, "Here comes Brother James, I'll leave you with him for a while. James, please show the new novice around". Time passes, and nobody can find the abbot. Dinner comes and goes, still no abbot. So they search the abbey and finally find him in the basement library were the original books are stored, and he's crying. James asks, "What's wrong." The abbot replies, I'm reading the original book about our conduct and the correct word is "Celebrate."

What's easier than an escalator? An elevator. You're Gonna Miss Me - 13h Floor Elevators

I divorced myself completely from Facebook, and my life is better for it. Welcome home. I must have gotten here after you left, so I'm just getting to know you. "Pleased to meet ya" Notes

Various Post Modern Juke Box derivative works

I hope Jami heals quickly and completely.

Seven Steps To Heaven - Miles Davis

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay. He woke up.

"Killer Joe" - jazz standard by Benny Golson

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman sitting next to him started to breastfeed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." Finally the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid, make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Since I was in a band that opened for the Temptations when I was a young guy I have to follow that with: I Wish It Would Rain - The Temptations

So a guy tells the bartender to send a drink to that pretty lady at the end of the bar. The bartender whispers "Don't bother, she's a l-e-s-b-i-a-n and the guy tells him to send her a drink. Time goes by and he sends her another then another. He finally gets up enough courage to go put the moves on her so e walks over, sits down beside her and asks, "So what part of Lesbania are you from?" (a rimshot might help). OK here's another.... Did you hear about the blind p-r-o-s-t-i-t-u-t-e? (damn that auto censor) You really have to hand it to her. Notes