Paul Bush Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 (edited) Hi chaps here s another warts and all unfinished project , drums have not been separated so its a pre master mix lots to change , but i feel its just loses momentum halfway through any tips or critique is always welcome cheers Paul https://www.bandlab.com/track/dad4f2f2-ad24-ef11-86d2-6045bd2cd6bc?revId=d9d4f2f2-ad24-ef11-86d2-6045bd2cd6bc See it in the tv, turn over to the other side, Hear it in the radio there´s no where else to hide, Sick of feeling guilty try to hide youre eyes.... …..Desensualised.... …....Oh yes we are.. The hippies in the sixties ban the bomb dont cut your hair, had Lennon (F)-(F6)-(Fmaj7)-(F6) in a bedroom, another socialist millionair, Sick of all this hypocrasy , Lay back in your rocking chair …...Desensualised.... .Oh yes we are.. We were having such a good time , Wheel`s kept a turning round and round... ....oh yes they did..... History repeats itself, just another manmade hell, fall guys get to play their part , and the Generals get another star ... Selling stories on the evening news, Picking the through the bones live on air... Again and agin ... We thought we had a saviour but he sold us down the Nile, The bare faced lies hidden behind a smile , Smoke and mirrors clouded all our eyes. ...…. we`r Mesmerized,........ Oh yes we were Looking at the right hand,while left seals our fate, Backroom deals with a dirty handshake …... now its way to late pushing the hate...... .way too late Edited June 7 by Paul Bush 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesse Screed Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 nice vocals, great voice love the lyrics If you want my critique, not sure if it gets lost in the middle but it could use a a little something, the timing seems off around 1.23 and other places too, like a lag or something as you say, this is your rough mix but I do think it is a very good song with a great start, lots of good stuff going on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Bush Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 Thanks Jesse, yeah absolutely it needs to be tightened up , (the bass-guitar solo) I´m really at the ``throw anything at it and see if it sticks stage ´´ it just seems to be lacking something , I tried adding some harmonies but they sounded awful , so I´m at a bit of a loss with this one , but that's the fun of the fair , thanks for commenting cheers P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesse Screed Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 maybe some new york horns like walls and bridges 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bajan Blue Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 Hi Paul I like this a lot - and the lyrics are great. I think the arrangement works - personally I wouldn't do too much more to this, I like it as it is!! Cool Nigel 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Bush Posted June 8 Author Share Posted June 8 Hi Nigel cheers , I feel i´m loosing all perspective as far as my songwriting is concerned, so all comments are a huge boost to my flagging moral, on one side I like the retro feel to this one on the other its lacking originality ,So thanks for commenting I´ll plough along with it... but hey sometimes more is too much . aagghh if only I had a producer ..then it would be his fault ..cheers paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makke Posted June 12 Share Posted June 12 Pleasant song with good vocals. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wookiee Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 Interesting topic in the lyrics, perhaps a change into a middle 8 and a return with the refrain On 6/7/2024 at 10:22 AM, Paul Bush said: Sick of feeling guilty try to hide youre eyes.... …..Desensualised.... …....Oh yes we are.. Liked it, very valid. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Bush Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 Hi Wookiee , thanks for having a gander young man, I get what you're saying i did in fact have a middle eight but due to the fact I don't really have a proper chorus it got to the rambling on and on stage rather quickly to the point where even i couldn't stand it ,so I went for dumbing it down and keeping it simple , speaking of keeping it simple I´m in the process of adding so much to it that its its .. I just dont know ......I´ll post maybe both together so that we all can make a comparison .......as far as less is more well that fell into the water long ago ..... Ive lost the plot ......again.......cheers paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwnicholson78 Posted June 19 Share Posted June 19 Great song. I really liked the vocals. I don't think it needs anything extra. I'd focus on tightening up the timing and it will make it shine! jeff 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Wilson Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 Yet, another terrific song from you, Paul! This could stay "as is", or put it aside and let it mature, and then come back to it and see if anything develops. What a wonderful dilemma. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Bush Posted June 25 Author Share Posted June 25 (edited) Hi Lynn , thanks for the nice comments , so I did do a make over a ``master´´ ,although as we know less is usually more .. have a scroll down to Desensualised master and all will be revealed .... or click on my soundcloud track, Id love to hear what you think.....cheers paul Edited June 25 by Paul Bush 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noynekker Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 Hi Paul . . . another super song write from you ! If I compare your original BandLab mix to this latest SoundCloud mix, I think you've really improved it, especially the drum timing against the instruments. Once again the vocals are bang on, and the whole arrangement has a degree of unpredictable about it . . . enjoyed this very much . . . as always ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supa Reels Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 Hi Paul .. the first rendition is right for this bit of work, I listened to this and thought how much ( to me ) it was perfect ... raw and with words/Lyrics that made absolute sense. We always try a little harder, thinking that's what might be more professional and a little more acceptable ion the world of mixing /songwriting. Well, for me there seemed little or no improvement when hearing the second mix ... OK it seems better ... but it's cold and doesn't have your spirit in the words and that is IMHO is what is missing ... So for me it's a great song with a real message and I love it ... but may be a different approach to the mix ... you are a great songwriter and Muso ..I may not always comment but I love your stuff .. Keep the spice .. ( That's what I think .. anyway ) ATB SteveSRM 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynn Wilson Posted June 28 Share Posted June 28 Paul, I think your new mix has a bit more polish, making it smoother overall. The vocals still have depth of feeling, which is the major highlight of this song, besides the lyrics. Encore! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Bush Posted June 29 Author Share Posted June 29 20 hours ago, Supa Reels said: Hi Paul .. the first rendition is right for this bit of work, I listened to this and thought how much ( to me ) it was perfect ... raw and with words/Lyrics that made absolute sense. We always try a little harder, thinking that's what might be more professional and a little more acceptable ion the world of mixing /songwriting. Well, for me there seemed little or no improvement when hearing the second mix ... OK it seems better ... but it's cold and doesn't have your spirit in the words and that is IMHO is what is missing ... So for me it's a great song with a real message and I love it ... but may be a different approach to the mix ... you are a great songwriter and Muso ..I may not always comment but I love your stuff .. Keep the spice .. ( That's what I think .. anyway ) ATB SteveSRM Hi Steve yes yes I totally understand what you're saying , I`m an old blues player so anything ``live recorded´´ is always on the money´ as far as I´m concerned , unfortunately or not with all the electronic vst files and magical technical skulduggery that's at our finger tips its very easy to go overboard and add the kitchen sink , of which I am truly guilty at times ( more often than not ) also with a weak song one can add all that stuff to boost them up , Ive just posted a rough demo which may interest you along those lines ``walking up to your house `` cheers and thanks for your constructive input much appreciated paul 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Bush Posted June 29 Author Share Posted June 29 14 hours ago, Lynn Wilson said: Paul, I think your new mix has a bit more polish, making it smoother overall. The vocals still have depth of feeling, which is the major highlight of this song, besides the lyrics. Encore! Hi Lynn thanks for taking the time to listen once again , you are a man of the highest calibre and a man with dam fine facial follicles , i really do appreciate your response and critique, spurs me on no end cheers Paul ..clean shaven 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 (edited) Liked this a lot, the SC version is diffidently more "polished" as @Lynn Wilson said. You're a guitar player; I have that right? For me the piano is just a bit "stiff", it needs a little "swing" I think. If you played it in, did you quantize? (if you're a piano player, well then I've got some egg on my face...) Good bit of songwriting! t Oh, and as always, left a like and comment over to SC (would have at BL as well, but this is the final version; right?) Edited July 10 by DeeringAmps 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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