Spurious Correlations

[bitflipper]

Just discovered this fascinating web site. OK, it's maybe not so fascinating unless you already have a corresponding fascination with statistics in general.  But even if you have only a casual relationship with science and math, this sort of thing is still important because the mainstream press routinely confuses correlation and causation in an effort to make you scared and/or outraged.

An example of a spurious correlation: there is a 99.79% correlation between the amount spent on science and suicides by hanging.

Or the 99.26% correlation between margarine consumption and divorce rates.

There is a 95.7% correlation between people dying by falling out of bed and the number of lawyers in Puerto Rico.

 

The site has 30,000 of these, enough to keep someone like me amused for many, many hours.

Of course, there are a few that might actually make sense, such as the 99.5% correlation between iPhone sales and people falling down stairs. Or this shocker: precipitation and sunlight have an inverse correlation!

[S.L.I.P.]

There is an 99.79% correlation between craigb, bapu and InstrEd. 

[craigb]

86% percent of all statistics are completely made up.

?

[paulo]

9 hours ago, bitflipper said:

there is a 99.79% correlation between the amount spent on science and suicides by hanging.

Blimey, how expensive is rope these days?

[paulo]

5 hours ago, craigb said:

86% percent of all statistics are completely made up.

?

I 100% knew that somebody would say that and I was 102% sure it would be you.?

[PhonoBrainer]

Don't forget the inverse correlation between participating in this forum, and winning a BRIT or Grammy or suchlike.

 

Edited August 18, 2019 by emeraldsoul

[Byron Dickens]

Bread Kills!

1.       More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2.       Fully half of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3.       In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4.       Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

5.       Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:

q       99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.

q       100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.

q       96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.

q       99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.

q       93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.

6.       Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

7.       Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

8.       Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

9.       Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

10.   Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

11.   Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

12.   Newborn babies can choke on bread.

13.   Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

14.   Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

15.   In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

q       No sale of bread to minors.

q       A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

q       A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

q       No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

q       The establishment of “Bread-free” zones around schools.

[bitflipper]

Speaking of scientific-sounding nonsense, I'm sure many of you are already familiar with the DHMO (dihydrogen monoxide) page. It's a brilliant send-up of our irrational fear of "chemicals".

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.

And on the topic of spurious correlations, the page also addresses the "link" between DHMO and gun violence. Turns out, every mass murderer throughout history has been a daily consumer of this evil chemical. I have my own theory regarding DHMO exposure and writing every song in Am, although that has - so far - not been supported empirically.

[craigb]

I think this thread has earned this!

(@Dave - I actually got in trouble at a job once for posting a DHMO warning sign above the drinking fountain.  A couple of bat-guano crazy females complained to HR that they "knew" there was something in water! ?)

[Mandolin Picker]

And from that great statistician Yogi Berra, "Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical."

[Bapu]

99% of all headaches are "in the head", or so I'm told

[S.L.I.P.]

45 minutes ago, Bapu said:

99% of all headaches are "in the head", or so I'm told

[57Gregy]

One hundred percent of people who are living will die, so stop living.
Oh, wait...

[craigb]

100% of divorces are caused by marriage.

[InstrEd]

1 hour ago, craigb said:

100% of marriages are caused by thinking with the wrong head ?

Fixed it for you

[Bapu]

The correlation between becan and the coffee house borders on 110%

 

[bitflipper]

11 hours ago, 57Gregy said:

One hundred percent of people who are living will die, so stop living.
Oh, wait...

But that's an example of actual causation, not a spurious correlation.

The leading precursor to death is birth.

 

One of my favorite extrapolations used to be a comedian's observation that "50% of all marriages end in divorce. Those are the lucky ones; the successful marriages end in death." 

 

[paulo]

8 hours ago, bitflipper said:

One of my favorite extrapolations used to be a comedian's observation that "50% of all marriages end in divorce. Those are the lucky ones; the successful marriages end in death." 

?

[John]

On 8/18/2019 at 12:02 PM, bitflipper said:

Speaking of scientific-sounding nonsense, I'm sure many of you are already familiar with the DHMO (dihydrogen monoxide) page. It's a brilliant send-up of our irrational fear of "chemicals".

 

 

This has to be the best ever!!!!!?

[Bapu]

On 8/18/2019 at 9:02 AM, bitflipper said:

Speaking of scientific-sounding nonsense, I'm sure many of you are already familiar with the DHMO (dihydrogen monoxide) page. It's a brilliant send-up of our irrational fear of "chemicals".

 

 

That link could blow up the internet.