Radical Re-Arrangement Update and Thanks

[ant_in_wales]

Happy Valentine's Day my lovelies

You all gave me some great feedback on a song - "Decent lyrics, poor arrangement" - so I've spent some time working out a different style and key and I'm now much happier.
I managed to find some Boogie Woogie piano and bass MIDI parts which meant I could change key and tempo in seconds. Well, it took the rhythm section seconds, I took longer.

I'd be very curious to know what everyone thinks.
Is the vocal too quiet and is there too much reverb? I want to get someone to cover it (and have it on the radio every Twixmas) but it to be clear to a listener how it should sound.

The irony of looking to write a commercial song in a style which peaked in 1953 isn't lost on me ?
Best wishes
 

 

[bjornpdx]

Never heard of Twixmas before. Good description.
My first impressions as a casual listener using headphones:
Seemed like the lyrics were trying to catch up to the music at times so maybe the tempo is too fast? Or there are too many words to fit the measure? Something like that.
Also, the voc doesn't have enough presence, so bring it up a bit. The lyrics are very good and so is your delivery so it's promising for sure.
-Bjorn

[ant_in_wales]

Thanks Bjorn
I have been backwards and forwards on the vocals - if I make them higher then the music seems to go too quiet.
I'll try 1db boost perhaps.

I think the song does race ahead of my abilities as a singer, the dream is for a real singer to take it forward.

Thank you for your feedback.

[jack c.]

Is the vocal too quiet and is there too much reverb?

                      did insert send to buss for verb?yes a tad to much verb.nice.jack c.

[Bajan Blue]

19 hours ago, bjornpdx said:

Never heard of Twixmas before. Good description.
My first impressions as a casual listener using headphones:
Seemed like the lyrics were trying to catch up to the music at times so maybe the tempo is too fast? Or there are too many words to fit the measure? Something like that.
Also, the voc doesn't have enough presence, so bring it up a bit. The lyrics are very good and so is your delivery so it's promising for sure.
-Bjorn

what Bjorn said!!

too many words, not enough music....

 

This is a very lyrically/vocally driven track, so the vocals come first and the music comes second - if I was mixing this, that's the way I would approach it - saying that  this could be  really good once the timing is sorted

Cheers

Nigel

 

[Makke]

Nice boogie song. Sounds good for me. Like recorded at small club. A live performance ambience, only audience voices missed. Good job!
 

[ant_in_wales]

18 minutes ago, Makke said:

Nice boogie song. Sounds good for me. Like recorded at small club. A live performance ambience, only audience voices missed. Good job!
 

Thanks @Makke - I wondered about dubbing a bit of fake crowd on.

[David Sprouse]

This is great.  I missed crowd noise as well, and maybe a sing along  would work well.  It reminds me of something RINGO might write.

[noynekker]

I like the sense of fun you've put into this one . . . yes, an older genre of music, was I born yet ? . . . but it kept me listening, and my brain cracked a smile. Now, If we could just play this for Putin and Biden, well . . . boogie woogie is an international language by now, so everything will work out fine.

[Wookiee]

My first impression is that this has just a tad to much reverb on everything.  I am aware there is a genre that calls for this but I am not sure that this falls in genre.

As for Twixmas sounds like something a Hobbit woudl suffer from between meals.

[Kevin Walsh]

I'm with Wookie, too much reverb on the pianos, but the vocal tracks seems okay, just needs a bit more presence. You have a good voice, and your personality comes through with it. Just keep singing and you won't need to hand your songs over to others to sing.  As you keep writing and singing, you may find yourself naturally evolving styles and structures that favor the way your unique voice works. 

Of course, then you'll be stuck with songs that don't really work for anyone else ha!