craigb Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever. The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself that's the last thing I need. A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy. People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow. Whatever you do, always give 100% unless you're donating blood What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come. A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I'd never met herbivore. I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it. What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short. My friend died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him. Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 10, 2021 Author Share Posted November 10, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted November 10, 2021 Share Posted November 10, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 12, 2021 Author Share Posted November 12, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 That cartoonist is heading for the rack! ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 13, 2021 Author Share Posted November 13, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted November 14, 2021 Share Posted November 14, 2021 My wife uses voice recognition to do her texting - yup she is the real dictator of the family. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted November 14, 2021 Share Posted November 14, 2021 4 hours ago, rfssongs said: My wife uses voice recognition to do her texting - yup she is the real dictator of the family. Does she lose trousers often and is always asking about them too? Then you'd know who "where's the pants" in that family as well! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 16, 2021 Author Share Posted November 16, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 I brought home a brown eyed Susan from the store recently but there was an imposter included. It had a tell tail flower on it. Turns out it was a plant. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted November 16, 2021 Share Posted November 16, 2021 The dog is getting a older now he doesn't go Ruff Ruff anymore it's more like Aarp Aarp.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc H Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 18, 2021 Author Share Posted November 18, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 We put our microwave on the counter but the feet are slippery & the door is kind of tight so when I pull the door it slides forward. It has almost fallen to the floor a few times. It's an off the shelf design. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 19, 2021 Author Share Posted November 19, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 Until the house is bought and the kids play their music "loud enough to raise the dead!" ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 20, 2021 Author Share Posted November 20, 2021 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Gerber Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 (edited) Not exactly a pun, but: A guitarist and his wife did not get along well at all. One night, after he had been drinking heavily, she grabbed one of his guitars and hit him over the head. Next, she took his other guitar and whacked him again so hard that he died. But a neighbor heard the commotion and called the police. They came to the house and arrested her. In court, the judge asked her, "First offender"? And she thought for a moment and replied, "No, your honor. First I hit him with the Gibson and then I smacked him with the Fender!" ? Edited December 9, 2021 by jsg 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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