rfssongs Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Something I did not know when I got married: I've got a really dirty wife. But she promises to shower soon. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 26, 2023 Author Share Posted January 26, 2023 I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I'd not seen in years. "This is Beth," I said, introducing my kid. "And what's Beth short for?" he asked. "Because she's only three," I answered. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 28, 2023 Author Share Posted January 28, 2023 What if soy milk is just regular milk, introducing itself in Spanish? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 28, 2023 Share Posted January 28, 2023 On 1/28/2023 at 3:19 PM, Notes_Norton said: What if soy milk is just regular milk, introducing itself in Spanish? Expand And the meme to go along with that one! ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 29, 2023 Author Share Posted January 29, 2023 Except I would think milk would more likely be a "herself" instead of a "himself". :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulo Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 On 1/25/2023 at 6:49 AM, rfssongs said: I told my wife I was sorry I was boring her to death. I mean really there must be a faster way ? Expand My wife told me to leave and that she hoped I would spend the rest of my years living through a slow and painful death. I said "make your mind up love, do you want me to leave or not ?". 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 So, are you guys implying that marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence? ? 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian; well, they're not laughing now. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craigb Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 On 1/30/2023 at 4:53 PM, Notes_Norton said: They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian; well, they're not laughing now. Expand Reminds me of this quote which George used to start a video with: Quote Hello, my name is George Carlin, and I am a professional comedian. As opposed to the kind you see at work all day long. Expand ? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted January 31, 2023 Author Share Posted January 31, 2023 I worked on cruise ships for 3 years. Being a comedian is a difficult job. When I play music, the song is complete even if the audience doesn't applaud. But if the joke doesn't get a laugh, it just hangs there. I've seen comedians do the same act week after week putting the audience in tears, and every now and then, a cruise ship full of passengers just sits there silent. We've had weeks when the audiences were difficult too, but at least the music was complete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted February 2, 2023 Author Share Posted February 2, 2023 How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. The hard part is getting them into the lightbulb. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted February 4, 2023 Author Share Posted February 4, 2023 I just found out that I’m color-blind. The news came completely out of the green! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted February 5, 2023 Author Share Posted February 5, 2023 I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grem Posted February 5, 2023 Share Posted February 5, 2023 On 2/2/2023 at 3:03 PM, Notes_Norton said: How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. The hard part is getting them into the lightbulb. Expand This one took me minute... or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 I was reading on the internet that acute liver failure can occur in as little as 48 hrs. The ugly ones take a little longer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xoo Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 On the fly front... Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Time flies. You cannot. They fly too quickly. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing the Windows! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted February 8, 2023 Author Share Posted February 8, 2023 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfssongs Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 On 2/6/2023 at 2:40 PM, rfssongs said: I was reading on the internet that acute liver failure can occur in as little as 48 hrs. The ugly ones take a little longer. Expand And kind of on that theme: My Doctor said I had acute diarrhea but I disagreed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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