SteenE Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 (edited) Hi It's been a while since I've been around, as I make mostly instrumentals, but I got inspired to write this song. It's just a first recording without melodyne, but I can't figure out of it's a hit or a miss? Edit: Lyrics and guitar Edited March 15, 2020 by soundregion 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesse Screed Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 Nice easy listening feeling. In some places the vocals sound too deliberate, like the accent on certain consonants has too much attack. Nice love song! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 Drop the "ands" in the verse and "See a smile from across the room, its amazing". Sometimes "meter" is way more important than "grammar" maybe "Just a smile is all it took, to get my heart beating again" hold "smile" and "heart" that "took" is short and beat ting a gin, those are 8ths (I think), tat tat tat tat; if you follow? I'm pretty sure I've got you "riled" up by now, but if I'm behind the glass, this is the conversation we're having. One last crit, if I may, where's the kick? I'm hearing the snare, where's the rest of the kit? Please don't take any of the personally, like I said above; this is the conversation we'd be having. If I didn't see hear "something" in the tune, there'd be no conversation... t 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteenE Posted March 14, 2020 Author Share Posted March 14, 2020 1 hour ago, DeeringAmps said: Drop the "ands" in the verse and "See a smile from across the room, its amazing". Sometimes "meter" is way more important than "grammar" maybe "Just a smile is all it took, to get my heart beating again" hold "smile" and "heart" that "took" is short and beat ting a gin, those are 8ths (I think), tat tat tat tat; if you follow? I'm pretty sure I've got you "riled" up by now, but if I'm behind the glass, this is the conversation we're having. One last crit, if I may, where's the kick? I'm hearing the snare, where's the rest of the kit? Please don't take any of the personally, like I said above; this is the conversation we'd be having. If I didn't see hear "something" in the tune, there'd be no conversation... t I do appreciate you taking the time to advise and I don't mind a bit. I can see there's a lot of and's. How about "I see your smile, it's so amazing" that fits. "just a smile ..." is better, allthough a not to much, but I'll make it work. The kick was lost in the export. Usual Cakewalk Step Sequencer thing. 1 hour ago, Jesse Screed said: Nice easy listening feeling. In some places the vocals sound too deliberate, like the accent on certain consonants has too much attack. Nice love song! Thanks a lot. I will make a note af this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 Don’t change things to please me. If it makes sense, give it a try. But always, always, be true to your vision. As I said, we would have a conversation, and go with what best serves the song. t Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteenE Posted March 14, 2020 Author Share Posted March 14, 2020 49 minutes ago, DeeringAmps said: Don’t change things to please me. If it makes sense, give it a try. But always, always, be true to your vision. As I said, we would have a conversation, and go with what best serves the song. t Sure, but if it works, it works. I'll do a new recording.Thanks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddy j Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 This is a nice laid back song. The lyrics and melody are great and backed up nicely by the instrumentation. I agree with comments above that some lyric wordsmithing (sp?) might be needed to fit the lyrics a bit tighter to the overall song. Well done! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjornpdx Posted March 16, 2020 Share Posted March 16, 2020 I second the comments above but I also wanted to say that I like that bit about the smile across the room and how it changed the mood of the morning. That's just a wonderful observation and one that I think we've all experienced. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Douglas Kirby Posted March 16, 2020 Share Posted March 16, 2020 I enjoyed the listen - especially your vocal - nice job there. I liked that synth in the background as well. A pleasant song - nice job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteenE Posted March 16, 2020 Author Share Posted March 16, 2020 8 hours ago, bjornpdx said: I second the comments above but I also wanted to say that I like that bit about the smile across the room and how it changed the mood of the morning. That's just a wonderful observation and one that I think we've all experienced. Yeah, monday go a lot better. Thanks for listening. 29 minutes ago, Douglas Kirby said: I enjoyed the listen - especially your vocal - nice job there. I liked that synth in the background as well. A pleasant song - nice job. Wow, great. I hate my voice, but I guess that's pretty normal. Thanks for the feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeringAmps Posted March 16, 2020 Share Posted March 16, 2020 I can hear the kick! Thumbs up for sure! t you might add -new mix to the title, I totally missed yesterday that you had updated the tune... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteenE Posted March 16, 2020 Author Share Posted March 16, 2020 1 minute ago, DeeringAmps said: I can hear the kick! Thumbs up for sure! t you might add -new mix to the title, I totally missed yesterday that you had updated the tune... Great. I will make a note of that. I changed the lyrics here and there. I think it workd. Thanks for listening. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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