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Notes_Norton

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*News alert!*

"A small plane crashed into a cemetery today killing all onboard!  Police have discovered over 100 bodies so far and are still digging!"

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I have thing for succulents but I am not always successful at growing them. Basically it's cactus if you can.

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A paraprosdokian is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending. It means “against expectations” in Greek.  Check these out:

 

Will glass coffins be a success? 

Remains to be seen.

 

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, 

but couldn't find any.

 

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?

A maybe.

 

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

 

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?

I don't know and don't really care.

 

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, 

but then I changed my mind.

 

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?

Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

 

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: 

“That’s the last thing I need!”

 

Need an ark?

I Noah guy.

 

You’re not completely useless, 

you can always serve as a bad example.

 

I broke my finger last week. 

On the other hand, I’m okay.

 

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink.

 

To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.

Thanks for nothing!

 

Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”

Dad: "No sun.”

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A couple of weeks ago I lost my entire left side! 😮

I'm all right now. 😁

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It's a lost clause, says the lawyer who couldn't find all his paperwork.

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