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SteenE

Amazing monday

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Hi

It's been a while since I've been around, as I make mostly instrumentals, but I got inspired to write this song. It's just a first recording without melodyne, but I can't figure out of it's a hit or a miss?

Edit: Lyrics and guitar

Edited by soundregion
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Nice easy listening feeling.

In some places the vocals sound too deliberate, like the accent on certain consonants has too much attack.

Nice love song!

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Drop the "ands" in the verse and "See a smile from across the room, its amazing".
Sometimes "meter" is way more important than "grammar"

maybe "Just a smile is all it took, to get my heart beating again"
hold "smile" and "heart" that "took" is short and beat ting a gin, those are 8ths (I think), tat tat tat tat; if you follow?

I'm pretty sure I've got you "riled" up by now, but if I'm behind the glass, this is the conversation we're having.

One last crit, if I may, where's the kick? I'm hearing the snare, where's the rest of the kit?

Please don't take any of the personally, like I said above; this is the conversation we'd be having.
If I didn't see hear "something" in the tune, there'd be no conversation...

t

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1 hour ago, DeeringAmps said:

Drop the "ands" in the verse and "See a smile from across the room, its amazing".
Sometimes "meter" is way more important than "grammar"

maybe "Just a smile is all it took, to get my heart beating again"
hold "smile" and "heart" that "took" is short and beat ting a gin, those are 8ths (I think), tat tat tat tat; if you follow?

I'm pretty sure I've got you "riled" up by now, but if I'm behind the glass, this is the conversation we're having.

One last crit, if I may, where's the kick? I'm hearing the snare, where's the rest of the kit?

Please don't take any of the personally, like I said above; this is the conversation we'd be having.
If I didn't see hear "something" in the tune, there'd be no conversation...

t

I do appreciate you taking the time to advise and I don't mind a bit. I can see there's a lot of and's. How about "I see your smile, it's so amazing" that fits. "just a smile ..." is better, allthough a not to much, but I'll make it work.

The kick was lost in the export. Usual Cakewalk Step Sequencer thing.

 

1 hour ago, Jesse Screed said:

Nice easy listening feeling.

In some places the vocals sound too deliberate, like the accent on certain consonants has too much attack.

Nice love song!

Thanks a lot. I will make a note af this.

 

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Don’t change things to please me. If it makes sense, give it a try. But always, always, be true to your vision. As I said, we would have a conversation, and go with what best serves the song. 

t

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49 minutes ago, DeeringAmps said:

Don’t change things to please me. If it makes sense, give it a try. But always, always, be true to your vision. As I said, we would have a conversation, and go with what best serves the song. 

t

Sure, but if it works, it works. I'll do a new recording.Thanks.

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This is a nice laid back song.  The lyrics and melody are great and backed up nicely by the instrumentation.  I agree with comments above that some lyric wordsmithing (sp?) might be needed to fit the lyrics a bit tighter to the overall song. 

Well done!

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I second the comments above but I also wanted to say that I like that bit about the smile across the room and how it changed the mood of the morning. That's just a wonderful observation and one that I think we've all experienced.

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I enjoyed the listen - especially your vocal - nice job there.  I liked that synth in the background as well.

A pleasant song - nice job.

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8 hours ago, bjornpdx said:

I second the comments above but I also wanted to say that I like that bit about the smile across the room and how it changed the mood of the morning. That's just a wonderful observation and one that I think we've all experienced.

Yeah, monday go a lot better. Thanks for listening.

29 minutes ago, Douglas Kirby said:

I enjoyed the listen - especially your vocal - nice job there.  I liked that synth in the background as well.

A pleasant song - nice job.

Wow, great. I hate my voice, but I guess that's pretty normal. Thanks for the feedback.

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I can hear the kick! Thumbs up for sure!

t

you might add -new mix to the title, I totally missed yesterday that you had updated the tune...

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1 minute ago, DeeringAmps said:

I can hear the kick! Thumbs up for sure!

t

you might add -new mix to the title, I totally missed yesterday that you had updated the tune...

Great. I will make a note of that. I changed the lyrics here and there. I think it workd. Thanks for listening.

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