What can I do to improve this piece?

[The Eternal Optimist]

From a mix, arrangement or really anything perspective. Very mild explicit language warning

(Rap lyrics over guitar, bass, drums, synth)

Edited November 28, 2022 by The Eternal Optimist

[Wookiee]

Not really my thing, but as you asked this is what occurs to these furry ears.

The Vox FX gets old quickly, perhaps a break down without it.
The drums are quite repetitive and lack punch on the kick, again a break down and come back with a different drum/HH pattern.

You have the makings it just needs a fee tweaks. 

[DaveT2]

I would drop out some of the these instruments during the vocal part, they would have more impact then when they come back. Drums seem a bit wrong for rap. Too rock style. Need more definition, not exactly sure how to describe it.

[Bajan Blue]

Hi - I think Wookie got it spot on - good effort

Nigel

 

[The Eternal Optimist]

On 11/29/2022 at 12:48 AM, Wookiee said:

Not really my thing, but as you asked this is what occurs to these furry ears.

The Vox FX gets old quickly, perhaps a break down without it.
The drums are quite repetitive and lack punch on the kick, again a break down and come back with a different drum/HH pattern.

You have the makings it just needs a fee tweaks. 

Thanks! appreciate the tips. I'll mess around with the levels on the kick. I've only been learning drums a while and definitely need to learn more beats and fills! The VoxFX is something I played with to compensate for singing skill but it does have a downside as you're right it is somewhat in  your face

[The Eternal Optimist]

On 11/29/2022 at 5:33 PM, DaveT2 said:

I would drop out some of the these instruments during the vocal part, they would have more impact then when they come back. Drums seem a bit wrong for rap. Too rock style. Need more definition, not exactly sure how to describe it.

Cheers, the drums are definitely a bit rock like. I need to learn a few more fills and beats. I chose a 'classic drum machine' on my iPad to plug the drums into but still used a classic rock beat when playing