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bjornpdx

I'm Retired

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This is hilarious Bjorn! Really enjoyed the lyrics and perspective.

It see ms OVEr de-essd to me. Don't fear the ESS so much you eliminate the high end from your consonants. If you're capturing too much sibiliance at the source, then try--

1. a different mic

2. backing up from the capsule (could be causing over-emphasis of the sibilance)

3. eating a green apple/drinking some water before your singing some session!

4. all of the above

5. tell yourself, "Aaah, I'm retired!"

I'd watch the phrasing. Especially with a spoken (as opposed to sung) delivery and such conversational lyrics, I'd pay careful attention to phrasing the words how they would appear in conversation. There are a few examples here, but the one at hand is --

"I STAY at home, I OBserve the scene"

which, when spoken, would be

"I obSERve the scene."

Phrasing it how you'd speak it preserves the meaning even  on casual listening.

(The worst financially successful example of this IMHO is the Fleetwood Mac song "Go Your Own Way" the chorus of which has a second line where I can barely believe they're singing the words written down on the lyrics sheet. Makes for some odd listening, to me anyway!)

A fun song. Do you ever play these ditties in public by any chance? I think this one would go over great.

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Sean
Thanks for the comments and suggestions. Kind of funny that you cited that one phrase since I did it that way deliberately because it just seemed to fit the beat better. Another one of those things that you do over and over until that's the way you think it should be, but then it doesn't sound right to another listener.

I never really noticed that example from Fleetwood Mac but I see what you're saying. One of the local radio stations keeps playing Don't Stop Believin' by Journey.   "A singer in a smokaaaaay room"   drives me crazy.

Kloon
Thanks for listening and commenting.

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Bjorn, you're proving yourself to be a master satirist.  I kinda agree with Sean about the phrasing because, as you may know, I prefer a prose style of phrasing, but that's a minor point.  I love retirement, too, though I never have to look for something to do.  Gotta go now; I'm working with my friend, Arvin.

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You retired bastards.    :)

Great tune, maybe just dip the moist pointy cymbal hits just a bit.

thanks for the fun, Bjorn! I can only give you an appropriate estimation of your song once I retire . . . see you in six years. Maybe ten.

the phone taking pics of your right ear - that's a good one.

cheers,

Tom

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Wookie
As always, thank you for taking the time to comment.

Harry
Yeah, I agree that cymbal needs toning down. I'll take a listen to that and the guitar. Thanks

Lynn
I have occasional trouble with phrasing (and enunciation) in my regular speech too probably because I only spoke Swedish until we immigrated to the US when I was six. English is sometimes tricky even after all these years. 🙂

Tom
Thank you. Well, hope to see you in retirement world sooner than later!

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On 2/10/2019 at 1:37 PM, Harry C. said:

Hey Bjorn really cool song, I think the cymbals at the beginning are too loud and the guitar could be a little louder for my taste :)

I agree. Personally I would try a slightly wetter vocals, but not much.

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Hi Bjorn,

Good fun listening to this tune ...

not english  native so thanks for typing the words ...

Cheers.

Olivier

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Ha -- I love this number and I couldn't identify with the lyrics more!  I have been retired for about 10 years and still one of my favourite things is to sit in my chair in the morning with my cup of coffee and read the entire newspaper at my leisure (at least on most days).  You used the perfect arrangement to convey the lyrics.  Great stuff my friend!

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This started out with a Beverly Hill Cops vibe due to that synth you used, and then it turned into a country song about retirement. I enjoyed the lyrics - funny - nicely done.

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