Voices (feedback on text appreciated)

[illerill]

Hi guys,

As I mentioned in another thread I started English is not my mother tounge and I want to be sure that my texts make sense and are grammatically correct before I record them as noticing errors once recorded is a pain in the ***** on the confidence Therefore I would really appreciate feedback on this. It may be perceived as too harsh for some, but take it with a grain of salt.

Intro (whispers)

"This isn't good enough" 
"You *****ing useless man"
"Yeah tell that bitch off"
"Cut her *****ing head off"
"You're never gonna make it"
"You don't have what it takes

Chorus

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting           
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it                       
I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it

Verse 1

Man I'm sick of it, this one's ridiculous
I have a flu where all I do is done meticulous             
("that's not true"), alright let me rescript this bit             
I have no clue how many times that I've rewritten it

I guess precise, nitpicking that's just slightly fittin'     
Those definitions won't suffice for the life I'm livin'    
.............I have guides and they're unforgiving
I'm fighting off my Hydes but they run this building              

This building I've built, the prison I'm in
A system full of bugs always itching my skin
Look.............   I can't be satisfied                   
No matter what I cook I have an appetite

For more that's why I brush 'till my teeth fall out
That's why I'm crushing all my buttons 'till I scream out loud
.............My recipes have a piece of doubt 
Cuz that's the way that it must taste to keep my demons proud ("good boy")

Chorus

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting            
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it
I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting            
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it
I'm a crazy mother *****er there's no way around it   

Verse 2

Sometimes I lie, but here's an actual fact                    
I've had a about a million irrational acts                  
So when I'm chilling I relax in a bath full of ash           
From the bridges that I've burnt in my laughable past            

I've grown, my path, is still exposed to smolder                      
Though, a lot of dough's been loaded in my broken toaster            
I'm older, though, opposed to homer                         
My show is still alive, the joke's not over
 
Yeah I smell funny, honey, it's my only odor                    
I repel, I don't troll, I'm a lonely ogre           
Sure you can come for some homemade yogurt               
With this tool though you're screwing with a roller coaster  

It may be fun but it's a scary ride (why?)
Ride it too much and you'll be terrified (why?)         
There's no such thing as a merry wife
"Cuz we're in charge and we ain't ever gonna share this guy" (aaaaaaaaaaaah)

Chorus

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting            
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it
I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting            
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it
I'm a crazy mother *****er there's no way around it   

Break

There are things that I've said that I've said i wouldn't         
With strings I am led to do things I shouldn't
Singing in my head like enchanted I lose it
I attach to the threads and I dance to their music (x2)

Verse 3

So, this day at work while I was jotting words            
It suddenly occurred that I got such an urge          
I'm not a perv, but yo I need to touch some girls
With breasts or not, I don't give a ***** I'd jerk

Off to furry sheep, just lemme squeeze some butt
It's so absurd I dream, of all this freaky stuff         
Like serving free drinks after I pee in cups
Like... running up in churches to kick jesus nuts

And beating pups, ***** this beef needs to stop           
This isn't me it's just a piece of my demons' plot        
Evil *****s, you hear? "We're right next to you"          
Don't I already have enough regrets produced?

"We bet you do, but you're a co-pilot"
"And this flight of ours is on a low mileage"
"If we want you to be vile there is no niceness"         
You just shut the ***** up when you're told quiet

Chorus

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting            
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it
I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it

I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting            
Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning
Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it
I'm a crazy mother *****er there's no way around it   

Edited March 25, 2020 by illerill