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Critical Chameleon

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  1. I lose part of the rhyme then. I need to rhyme with smoke/know.
  2. Is it possible though to write "You weren't treating me right and we couldn't go without a fight"? Even if it's not perfect english is the meaning behind the words understandable? Hm, came up with an alternative. Probably even better actually. Gotta let it sink in, though recording tomorrow! "You weren’t treating me right, is this a joke to you? Don't smile!"
  3. Yeah, I'll re-record it for sure. Also put a note to myself to think about this in the future. My notes are getting long
  4. Thanks, Mark! Just the feedback I was looking for, really appreciate it. Question is though, how do I make a difference between "you" and "jew". Jew is more like a d-sound at the beginning right? So I'll try to eliminate that as much as I can? Anyway, I'll see what I can do about it!
  5. Hey guys, hope all is well! I'm working on a new track and it's coming together nicely, I think. I'm doing one last recording session on Sunday before shipping this to mixing. Before doing so I was hoping to get some feedback on text and pronunciation mainly. Since English isn't my mother tounge I just want to make sure I'm not doing any fatal mistakes. I'm yet to add the outro, but other than that everything is included. However, I think I'm changing the lyrics in the first verse. This part (in bold): You're not supposed to be here, I know that we've been tight But that relationship has sailed, you know the reasons why You weren't treating me right and we couldn't go without a fight You're such a mess I guess obsessed with blowing smoke behind my eyes I don't think you can say it like this, can you? What I want to say is that we always fought. But for that to make sense I would have to write like "we couldn't go a day without fight", right? That doesn't work flow-wise so what I'm thinking is changing it to: You're not supposed to be here, I know that we've been tight But that relationship has sailed, you know the reasons why You weren't treating me right and that's why we broke up in a fight You're such a mess I guess obsessed with blowing smoke behind my eyes Here are the full lyrics: Intro. *Humming to melody* *Doorbell* Just a second, be right there *Bang, bang, bang* I'm coming, I'm coming, relax, jeez *Door opening* Oh, it's you The ***** do you want? Nah, I don't want to hear you out Please, just leave Verse 1. Please, leave, I can't believe I have to sit this through You're making me suffer and you agreed that we should quit it too Seeing each other, you had to do it again didn't you? Come to my home even though you know I have forbidden you Remember last time I laughed at your acts and had you ridiculed? And yet you're back, how the hell do I get rid of you? You're not supposed to be here, I know that we've been tight But that relationship has sailed, you know the reasons why You weren't treating me right and that's why we broke up in a fight You're such a mess I guess obsessed with blowing smoke behind my eyes I couldn't care less if you meant it, all I know is I'm alright When I'm alone, please just go stop growing lies inside my mind But it's not easy is it? Listen, it's smart to say farewell We share the same visions these visits make it harder for ourselves But how can you leave me when you're a part of all my cells? I need help, here I'm sittin' and just talking to myself Chorus. We share this bruise So why do you appear so cruel? How are you gonna carry through? If you aren't there for you And if it's scarin’ you You gotta use that fear as fuel You aren't gonna carry through If you aren’t, there for you Verse 2. Listen I've wandered this earth as blind, searching for signs I used to think there's nothing worse having no purpose in life But I was wrong cuz what is worse and yes I'm certain this time Is to hide from your own purpose cuz the hurdles are high To realize you run in circles, and work a disguise You find so perfect, but it isn't and the person inside Knows that it isn't and this person plays games versus your mind I've felt pain, but I swear nothing can hurt me like I I don't know why I'm such a burden and can't service my life How it is a nurturing guy can turn and just murder my rhymes You know my body's burning with pride as I finish a lyric I feel terrific, optimistic, the sky is the limit Then in a blink of an eye I begin to mimic this critic The next minute I'm picnicking with a sinister cynic It's sickening, I'm listening, say I handle it okay This belittling but ***** it man I stand in my own way Chorus. We share this bruise So why do you appear so cruel? How are you gonna carry through? If you aren't there for you And if it's scarin’ you You gotta use that fear as fuel You aren't gonna carry through If you aren’t, there for you
  6. Really happy to hear all of this guys! Big thanks It's great to hear when your hard work pays off. I have the song fully mastered now. There are some improvements from before (mainly break and outro).
  7. Thanks a lot guys! Means a ton to hear. We've (me and the guy doing the production) have actually been doing some changes which have lifted the song even further. But I think I'll wait posting until the master :)
  8. Hey guys, Hope you're all doing well Got a new track I've been working on that I'd really appreciate feedback on if you got a few minutes to spare. EDIT: Song all done now and fully mastered! Intro Hey bae This is all for you I got something to say And it goes something like this Verse 1 I've been trying, to paint a perfect world But as I try I only get a purple blur I say the dumbest things, when feeling blue I'm using too much red when I'm coloring I don't know why cuz there's no need to draw no picture I got you here and that is all that I could wish for I don't show it enough, you ain't feeling my art Well here's a key to my heart, now I'm opening up Intro to chorus For all the times that you've doubted me (baby) If it's really that hard to see Well if it is turn the sound up hear me out now If it is turn the sound up hear me out now (baby) As I'm I singing this loud and free Chorus I love you I love you I love you baby, yay, yay, ooh I love you (Yeah, believe it boo) I love you (And everything you do) I love you baby, yay, yay, ooh Verse 2 Tryna get this on your mind with such a catchy tune But if a song isn't enough then I'm rap it too I love you, everything that I'm attracted to You kinda gotta it you're the whole entire package boo The sweetest rack of boobs, your body's fit, that head of yours Well, it's fantastic too, much more than it gets credit for Your brain's amazing, you're so clever if I never swore I wouldn't rate then I would say you couldn't get a better score I wish I said it more Intro to chorus For all the times that you've doubted me (baby) If it's really that hard to see Well if it is turn the sound up hear me out now If it is turn the sound up hear me out now (baby) As I'm I singing this loud and free Chorus I love you I love you I love you baby, yay, yay, ooh I love you (Yeah, believe it boo) I love you (And everything you do) I love you baby, yay, yay, ooh Break Hey yeeeeeeah, ahaaaa I love you baby, you're amazing I had a taste and now I'm craving Aahaaa, ah yeah You make me crazy, I want you daily There is no maybe, you're my lady Verse 3 At times you're asking me why, we're on a path you and I You have me scratching my mind, I'm attached to your life Cuz you're supportive and kind, and that's a draft to describe Your caring nature, babe your major compassionate side Plus you're adventurous of course, and your fashion is fine I love that courage of yours, it's really matching your drive You never lie, we’re playing games, but just on laptops online I feel alive you're making me smile when we are passing the time I love your laughter, kicking back, relaxing, chatter even if I'm acting I don't but I do in fact and every dish you do is smashing Yeah, your food's fantastic, you got a juicy ***** well It's not just the booty you're a beauty, yeah you're truly dazzling No make-up needed to be catching my eye I'll eat you up bae, but hey, I gotta ration my rhymes I hate to say it but the beat is fast it's flashing me by Sixteen bars spit and this was just a fraction of why I'm the happiest guy Intro to chorus For all the times that you've doubted me (baby) If it's really that hard to see Well if it is turn the sound up hear me out now If it is turn the sound up hear me out now (baby) As I'm I singing this loud As I'm I singing this loud As I'm I singing this loud and free Chorus I love you I love you I love you baby, yay, yay, ooh I love you (Yeah, believe it boo) I love you (And everything you do) I love you baby, yay, yay, ooh Outro And it feels good Yeah I love you baby Now and forever Never doubt it Cuz it feels good
  9. The guy who has mixed it might have limited it because I've told him I've never liked when bass takes over. My amateurish opinion is that I prefer mid range.
  10. Thanks! I forgot to mention it, but this version has a booster plugin on it which is why it is loud. It's not professionally mastered though.
  11. Thanks guys, appreciate it! And yes, certainly always something
  12. Critical Chameleon

    Voices

    Yo guys, Posted the text a while back ago under another nick - got no response Trying again with the song this time. I appreciate any feedback! This is yet to be masterd, but unless you have anything to add we feel like the mix is done. Intro "This isn't good enough" "You're *****ing useless" "Tell that bitch off" "Cut her *****ing head off" "You're never gonna make it" "You don't have what it takes" Chorus I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it Verse 1 Man I'm sick of it, this feels ridiculous I have a flu where all I do must be meticulous ("Not true"), alright let me rescript this bit I have no clue how many times that I've rewritten it I guess precise, nitpicking that's just slightly fitting Those definitions won't suffice for the life I'm living .............I have guides and they're unforgiving I'm fighting off my Hydes but they run this building ("we own it") This building I've built, the prison I'm in A system full of bugs always itching my skin Look............. I can't be satisfied No matter what I cook I have an appetite For more that's why I brush 'till my teeth fall out That's why I'm crushing all my buttons 'till I scream out loud .............My recipes have a piece of doubt Cuz that's the way that it must taste to keep my demons proud ("good boy") Chorus I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I'm a crazy mother *****er there's no way around it Verse 2 Sometimes I lie, but here's an actual fact I've had a about a million irrational acts So when I'm chilling I relax in a bath full of ash From the bridges that I've burnt in my laughable past I've grown, my path, is still exposed to smolder Though, a lot of dough's been loaded in my broken toaster I'm older, though opposed to homer My show is still alive ("doh"), the joke's not over Yeah I smell funny, honey, it's my only odor I repel, I don't troll, I'm a lonely ogre Sure you can come for some homemade yogurt With this tool though you're screwing with a roller coaster ("huh?") It may be fun but it's a scary ride ("why?") Ride it too much and you'll be terrified ("why?") There's no such thing as a merry wife "Cuz we're in charge and we ain't ever gonna share this guy" ("aaaaaaaaaaaah") Chorus I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I'm a crazy mother *****er there's no way around it Break There are things that I've said that I've said i wouldn't With strings I am led to do things I shouldn't Singing in my head like enchanted I lose it I attach to the threads and I dance to their music (x2) Verse 3 So, this day at work while I was jotting words It suddenly occurred that I got such an urge I'm not a perv, but yo I need to touch some girls With breasts or not, I don't give a ***** I'd jerk Off to furry sheep, just let me squeeze some butt It's so absurd I dream, of all this freaky stuff Like serving free drinks after I pee in cups Like... running up in churches to kick jesus nuts And beating pups, ***** this beef needs to stop This isn't me it's just a piece of my demons' plot Evil *****s, you hear? "We're right next to you" Don't I already have enough regrets produced? "We bet you do, but you're a co-pilot" "And this flight of ours is on a low mileage" "If we want you to be vile there is no niceness" "You just shut the ***** up when you're told quiet" Chorus I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I've gone crazy and I doubt that there's a way around it I hear voices calling, in my head they're shouting Telling me these stories, in my head I'm drowning Bla, bla, bla there's no day without it I'm a crazy mother *****er there's no way around it Outro Damn, this shit sounds good as fu... "No... it doesn't"
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